Friday, August 15, 2014

"Please Leave a Message After the Beep and CGM Will Call You Back. . . Never"

I fully admit it. . . I am terrible at listening to voicemails.  If you need to reach me and you get my voicemail you stand a better chance hanging up and calling back than you do leaving a message.  It's not that I mean to be rude, but usually if I see I have a missed call I call the person back immediately.  See?  Not rude at all!  Of course a lot of times, the said people think I've already listened to their message and I have to explain that I was so excited to speak to them, I didn't bother to listen.  After a few days (more like months, if we're being truly honest) I realize how embarrassing it is to have that little red blurb with a "95" in it and go to my voicemails.  I don't actually listen though, because by this point, I've already spoken to the people who have voicemails in the black hole.  I start deleting one by one.  Then, I start wishing there was a button for a mass delete.  Then, I start thinking how I am NEVER going to let it get this bad again.  "I will start listening to voicemails," I say. "I will!" As I'm deleting I start thinking about how in actuality, I won't.  It truly is just easier for me to call someone back than it is to listen to a voicemail.  I figure I should probably change my outgoing message to "Hi!  You've reached CGM.  I can't come to the phone right now and don't bother leaving a message, because truthfully I won't listen to it and it'll just sit in my voicemail list for months on end."  When I really think about it, though, I get embarrassed to do that, because does the doctor's office calling to confirm an appointment need to know that I won't bother listening?  (This does explain why we went to the orthodontist's office only to find out we were rescheduled for the following week.  Oops.)

I had a very sad realization last night.  In addition to never listening to voicemails, I have a tendency to not check my emails.  My internal clock is all screwy for some reason and I've been waking up at 3:30 every morning.  Last night, I got tired of crushing candy and all of my friends in Facebookland were sleeping, so I decided to see what was lurking about in my 500+ emails.  It was then I realized that my voicemail problem has turned into a bigger issue.

I get a lot of junk mail.  Probably because I sign up for a lot of junk mail.  I don't mean too, but I've somehow ended up on all these daily email lists.  Rue La La, Living Social, Groupon (aren't those last two essentially the same thing?). . . I have to know what deals I'm missing out on, since I don't actually ever buy anything from them (with the exception of the occasional magazine subscription or tickets to a kids place).  Bed Bath & Beyond for the coupons that I always forget to use, Mr. Food for recipes I'll likely never make.  The list goes on and on.  I discovered a few pertinent emails mixed in with all the junk and I decided there is no reason for this.  I have an iPhone.  When I first got the phone 5 years ago, I loved checking my email!  I checked it wherever I went, because I could.  I would cycle and recycle it because I couldn't believe I didn't have any emails after the 10 I'd just checked 3 minutes earlier.  I guess you could say the honeymoon is officially over, because the idea of checking email now just tires me, probably because I let it get to 500 plus.

I would love to say if you leave me a voicemail or send me an email after this, I'll listen and read it immediately, but I'll be perfectly honest with you.  I won't.  If you need to get me, text me.  I read those all the time. . . For now.

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