2018 started with a rocky start. The Doctor was laid off towards the end of 2017 and we weren't sure what 2018 had in store for us. He interviewed for a job several hundred miles away and I'll never forget how I was out to lunch with one of my soul sisters in the very beginning of January when I got the phone call from The Doctor that he was on his way home with a contract in hand.
"You aren't really going to move to O, are you?" S asked with tears in her eyes.
"I don't know," I replied. "I mean they loved him, but he has a few more interviews for jobs down here."
We all know how that turned out and while the big move was the scariest thing we did in 2018, it was also probably the best thing we did. It threw all of my plans into a spin, though. I didn't really get to do the organizational challenge I wanted to do. My No Yelling challenge went out the window and my running and better eating became virtually nonexistent. For about 5 months everything was up in the air and we were displaced. The one thing I was able to do was try to be a more joyful and happy person, so it wasn't all a loss, but for a few months it felt like that was a lost cause too.
A few weeks ago we were out to dinner with the entire family and M and L were bickering. I raised my voice and brother-in-law turned to me and said, "Time to reset your counter, CGM. That's ok, the end of the year is coming and you'll be writing about how this is the year you are going to stop yelling for good." I laughed and replied, "You know me so well!"
Since that night I've been doing a lot of thinking and I've figured out why every year starts off the same for me. I look at the new year as a fresh start. I can do whatever I want to try to become a better person. I think I'm a pretty great wife, Mom, and person, but I also think there is always room for improvement. Instead of making resolutions, I'm going to set goals and hopefully this will be the year they stick.
I looked back on my late 2017 blog posts and vaguely remember writing them. At the time, moving wasn't a certainty and I was focused on being happier. Over all, I'd say I am happier now than I was then, so that's a win. However, yelling less, running more, and eating healthier didn't happen.
Sometimes I wish I could be the type of person who looks at me right now and says, "This is me. I'm good with how I am right now." That's not me, though. Is it because I'm a perfectionist and I feel that there is a more perfect version of myself to be had? I hope not because if that's the case, I'm always going to feel like I've come up short and that certainly isn't a key to being happy.
I think my goals need to be that I at least try. Like I always tell the girls when it comes to their schoolwork, "I'll always be proud of you if you at least try, even if it doesn't always work out."
My "I'll Try" list for 2019:
I will try to not yell as much
I will try to make my life more organized
I will try to fit in more exercise and more water
I will try to be happy with the person I see looking back at me when I look in the mirror
I will try to write more often
Come to think of it, I've also been known to quote Yoda to the girls when I feel like the words "I'll try" are an excuse ("I'll try to remember to clean my room/do my chores/listen to you") but thankfully I'm not a Jedi so in my case, it's "Do or Do Not, as long as you try".
Thursday, December 27, 2018
Friday, August 24, 2018
Change Isn't So Scary After All
I am happy to announce that we are on the other side of our big move! When I last left you M and I were getting ready to start our move, while B and L were still down south with my parents. I was scared- we were all scared, except The Doctor who had already been through the move. I wanted the Curly Girly Trio to write notes to their future selves to open next July, but I was so scared this would be an awful experience and it would backfire.
M and I talked about a lot of things on our drive up but we tried not to talk about how sad and scared we were. We had a grand time in Chicago, but every day M would say to me, "I'm a little scared about our move." We would talk about how sad we were to be leaving our friends and family, but we also talked about how things would work out.
"Imagine if this is the best experience we've ever had," I told her one day. "We are going to be saying how happy we are we made this move." We got home from Chicago and my parents drove up with B and L. The very next day, B started Marching Band Camp. That was when I knew this move was the right thing.
I knew nothing about Marching Band Camp, but I was in a Facebook Group for the band and posted a litany of questions. One Mom responded with "Call me and I'll fill you in" and provided her cell phone number. Normally, I'd shy away from calling a perfect stranger, but I knew this was for the benefit of B, so I took a deep breath, made the call and had a great conversation.
We ran around getting everything B needed and I took her to the high school. I walked her in and my heart warmed to see her welcomed by so many kids. I knew she was going to love it.
Later that week, I was at the high school dropping off dinner for B and one of the Band Moms came over to me and said, "Look, B made a friend!" I looked over and saw B sitting next to another girl. They were eating and in deep conversation. My heart melted as I saw all of B's (and my) worst fears vanish.
During the next week, I met the Mom of B's friend and was excited to see if a friendship would blossom (it has!). Every road I drove on, everyone I met, it just felt right.
We closed on our beautiful house; this house that feels like it was hand picked for us. I knew it was the right house because it made me smile the minute I stepped foot in it. The movers came with our things and immediately this house felt like home, even amidst all of the boxes, and boy were there a lot of boxes.
We met a few neighbors and we went back to school shopping. Everyone we met, from the neighbors, to the Target employees and even the people who work at drive through restaurants were nice. We kept commenting on how this area isn't just nice because of the scenery, but because of the people.
We toured the girls' schools and met their teachers and we loved it all. After meeting M's teachers, she said to me, "I think you should have had us write those letters. Based on everything so far, I think this move was the perfect thing for us." I have to agree.
We have now been here for close to a month and I'm happy to report we are all happy! B loves high school (I still can't believe I have a high schooler and I fully admit I cried watching her get on the bus on the first day of school). She loves her classes, her teachers, Marching Band and the fact that she is able to eat lunch with her friend every day. She has made a friend in the neighborhood, who is in one of her classes and rides the bus with her.
M mostly likes middle school. Out of the 3, she has had a rough time adjusting to a new school schedule. Her schedule changed 3 times in as many days and she had a tough time making friends, but she's slowly getting there. She came home a few days ago and told us she has a friend on the bus and she's becoming friendlier with some of her classmates. I told her friendships usually don't pop up over night, they take time to bloom.
L loves her school and her teachers. She has 2, one for Science and Math and one for Language Arts and Social Studies, and then, of course, her Specials teachers. She made a friend on the first day of school and has since made a few more. All of her fears of not having any friends and not fitting in were for naught.
I am becoming friendly with the neighborhood Moms and I am so excited that B's friend's Mom and I have already been to the movies together, shopped at Target together and have gone out to lunch. She and I have a lot in common and it's so nice having someone to meet up with.
I am absolutely in love with our new city. I love everything about it and I find myself smiling as I drive down streets that became familiar in just mere days. I love our community and the people in it and I absolutely love our home.
I still miss things about where we came from. I miss our friends, my parents, and the wonderful bagel shop, but honestly, that's about it. This new town has welcomed us with open arms and we truly feel as though this is where we belong.
I have since decided change isn't the scary part. Change is actually quite exciting. The scary part is the not knowing how all the change will work out in the end.
Friday, July 13, 2018
Goodbye Isn't Forever
I've been toying with this blog entry for a few days now and as I was getting ready to type it out I noticed my previous post negates this one, but in this case goodbye isn't forever, so the title stands.
As previously blogged, The Doctor moved to our new location 4 months ago. The Curly Girly Trio and I have been living with my parents, seeing The Doctor, on average, every other week. It hasn't been easy, but we knew the end was in sight.
The end for M and me is tomorrow! We are driving up with a carload of stuff (it's amazing how much we accumulated in 4 months, though I think it's just we didn't pack light enough when we first moved in), including M's gerbil, Oreo. We are going up early because we are accompanying The Doctor on a business trip. B and L are staying with my parents and they'll drive them up next Sunday. I have so many emotions running around in my head, it's hard to know what to feel.
Excited: I am super excited for our new adventure! The schools the curly girlies will be in are fantastic, we are moving into a lovely neighborhood, we will be closer to The Doctor's family, we are moving to a place where there is so much more to do.
Scared: I am scared because change is scary. What If's keep rolling around my brain and while I'm trying to squelch them, it's not the easiest thing. What if the girls hate school? What if they have a hard time making friends? What if I have a hard time making friends? What if I end up not loving the house?
Sad: I am so, so sad. I have lived near my parents for the last 12 years. We have had dinner with them every Sunday night for the last 12 years. My Mom and I have met for lunch and shopping on a whims notice. My Dad has come for dinner every Wednesday for the last 3 years. We have gone to countless hockey games and movies with my Dad. I am going to miss all of this so much. We are still going to see them, but it won't be the same. I won't ever pull into the Target parking lot and see my Mom's car and feel happy that I'm going to bump into her. It's sad.
I'm sad because I'm going to miss my friends. I have great friends. Seeing them at school, bumping into them in stores, going out for breakfasts and lunches, stopping by for impromptu visits. I am going to miss my very favorite bagel place and the wonderful owners, servers, and staff, all whom have become friends. I'm going to miss the bagels, but I'm going to miss the friends more.
I'm sad because the girls are leaving their friends. I know it's not easy for them, especially when they figured they'd be going to school with them forever. B and M have phones and B is on 2 social media platforms. I think I must be the only parent in the universe to tell my child to go on to social media because it still doesn't occur to her to do so and I really do feel that's going to be a good way to keep in touch with everyone. She and M text and FaceTime, but truthfully B is the worst at returning text messages and I am worried she's going to lose contact. I keep telling her she has to make an effort and she says she will, but she'd rather walk around the dining room table with her earbuds in, zoned out, than text.
L has an iPod and has exchanged her Apple ID with a bunch of her friends, so she's able to text and FaceTime, but not all of her friends have iPods so the only way to keep in touch is through the Moms.
We said our goodbyes this week and it hurts me because we weren't able to see everyone we wanted too. I made sure B and M had time with their best friends and sadly because of that L got pushed to the side and she pointed out to me this morning she didn't get to see her 2 best friends. She saw them in the last few months, but I know it's not the same.
The Doctor says I'm making too big a deal of this and I know he's right. In front of the girls I am keeping an upbeat attitude. I am telling them this is an amazing adventure we are about to embark on. We have so many friends we haven't met yet. This is going to be great!
In private I am teary eyed and sad. Saying goodbye is so hard. Today we had our last hair appointments with my super amazing stylist. She's been doing my hair for years and she is just awesome. Saying goodbye to her was so hard, but I told her if I can't find anyone as good in our new area, I'm coming back every 6 weeks.
For the past 12 years, my Mom's housekeeper has been our housekeeper. She was my Mom's housekeeper when I was in high school, so she's truly seen me blossom from messy teen to tidy Mom. She has watched my girls grow up. She isn't just a housekeeper, she's family. We said goodbye to her this morning and all of us cried. Sure, we'll see her when we come for visits during school breaks and we are visiting during the week, but it won't be the same at all.
I think I need to let myself be sad. I always tell people who are sad because of something or someone they've lost that they need to have time to grieve. I actually told that to my Mom a few months ago when we were talking about my leaving. I told her I grieved already, but much like the grieving process, it's fluid and stages can come and go at any time. It sounds funny saying I'm grieving because of a move, but it's just the fact that I'm losing the life we've made for ourselves down here.
Looking back, I can see I've gone through all the stages of DABDA except for acceptance. Up until even last week I kept thinking perhaps we will end up not moving, but I know that's not realistic because The Doctor is 4 months into his new job and he loves it (and they love him).
The Doctor says I have dragged this out for way too long and I can see how he has a point. Waiting until the very last minute before I have to be up there might not have been the best idea. I was putting off the inevitable but I wasn't doing any mental work to prepare myself for the actual move. In putting it off, all I've done is make it harder on myself.
I had breakfast today with a wonderful friend (at my favorite breakfast place). E is phenomenal because she is so levelheaded and always says exactly the right thing. I was telling her how I felt and she pointed out that this is the best possible thing for our family. She told me I am going to love unpacking and setting up our new house the way I want it, and I know she's right. I am almost certain a month or 2 into our new home, we are going to feel like this is how it's always been.
I have already been through denial, anger, and bargaining (I actually told The Doctor, "If we move, we are getting a dog" because I've always said no dog until L goes to college. At the time, I figured if I said it, we wouldn't move. I am now making good on my bargain and have been researching the perfect dog for us.); I've felt depression and now I have got to get to acceptance. I have told the girls repeatedly that our attitudes will dictate how this change turns out for us. If we are sad and refusing to let go of the past, this will be awful. If we are excited for the change and embrace all the newness with open arms, this will end up being an amazing experience.
We are moving. It will be different, but it will be wonderful. We will still see our friends and my parents and our lives will be better for this. I guess this is my new mantra until it becomes my reality.
As previously blogged, The Doctor moved to our new location 4 months ago. The Curly Girly Trio and I have been living with my parents, seeing The Doctor, on average, every other week. It hasn't been easy, but we knew the end was in sight.
The end for M and me is tomorrow! We are driving up with a carload of stuff (it's amazing how much we accumulated in 4 months, though I think it's just we didn't pack light enough when we first moved in), including M's gerbil, Oreo. We are going up early because we are accompanying The Doctor on a business trip. B and L are staying with my parents and they'll drive them up next Sunday. I have so many emotions running around in my head, it's hard to know what to feel.
Excited: I am super excited for our new adventure! The schools the curly girlies will be in are fantastic, we are moving into a lovely neighborhood, we will be closer to The Doctor's family, we are moving to a place where there is so much more to do.
Scared: I am scared because change is scary. What If's keep rolling around my brain and while I'm trying to squelch them, it's not the easiest thing. What if the girls hate school? What if they have a hard time making friends? What if I have a hard time making friends? What if I end up not loving the house?
Sad: I am so, so sad. I have lived near my parents for the last 12 years. We have had dinner with them every Sunday night for the last 12 years. My Mom and I have met for lunch and shopping on a whims notice. My Dad has come for dinner every Wednesday for the last 3 years. We have gone to countless hockey games and movies with my Dad. I am going to miss all of this so much. We are still going to see them, but it won't be the same. I won't ever pull into the Target parking lot and see my Mom's car and feel happy that I'm going to bump into her. It's sad.
I'm sad because I'm going to miss my friends. I have great friends. Seeing them at school, bumping into them in stores, going out for breakfasts and lunches, stopping by for impromptu visits. I am going to miss my very favorite bagel place and the wonderful owners, servers, and staff, all whom have become friends. I'm going to miss the bagels, but I'm going to miss the friends more.
I'm sad because the girls are leaving their friends. I know it's not easy for them, especially when they figured they'd be going to school with them forever. B and M have phones and B is on 2 social media platforms. I think I must be the only parent in the universe to tell my child to go on to social media because it still doesn't occur to her to do so and I really do feel that's going to be a good way to keep in touch with everyone. She and M text and FaceTime, but truthfully B is the worst at returning text messages and I am worried she's going to lose contact. I keep telling her she has to make an effort and she says she will, but she'd rather walk around the dining room table with her earbuds in, zoned out, than text.
L has an iPod and has exchanged her Apple ID with a bunch of her friends, so she's able to text and FaceTime, but not all of her friends have iPods so the only way to keep in touch is through the Moms.
We said our goodbyes this week and it hurts me because we weren't able to see everyone we wanted too. I made sure B and M had time with their best friends and sadly because of that L got pushed to the side and she pointed out to me this morning she didn't get to see her 2 best friends. She saw them in the last few months, but I know it's not the same.
The Doctor says I'm making too big a deal of this and I know he's right. In front of the girls I am keeping an upbeat attitude. I am telling them this is an amazing adventure we are about to embark on. We have so many friends we haven't met yet. This is going to be great!
In private I am teary eyed and sad. Saying goodbye is so hard. Today we had our last hair appointments with my super amazing stylist. She's been doing my hair for years and she is just awesome. Saying goodbye to her was so hard, but I told her if I can't find anyone as good in our new area, I'm coming back every 6 weeks.
For the past 12 years, my Mom's housekeeper has been our housekeeper. She was my Mom's housekeeper when I was in high school, so she's truly seen me blossom from messy teen to tidy Mom. She has watched my girls grow up. She isn't just a housekeeper, she's family. We said goodbye to her this morning and all of us cried. Sure, we'll see her when we come for visits during school breaks and we are visiting during the week, but it won't be the same at all.
I think I need to let myself be sad. I always tell people who are sad because of something or someone they've lost that they need to have time to grieve. I actually told that to my Mom a few months ago when we were talking about my leaving. I told her I grieved already, but much like the grieving process, it's fluid and stages can come and go at any time. It sounds funny saying I'm grieving because of a move, but it's just the fact that I'm losing the life we've made for ourselves down here.
Looking back, I can see I've gone through all the stages of DABDA except for acceptance. Up until even last week I kept thinking perhaps we will end up not moving, but I know that's not realistic because The Doctor is 4 months into his new job and he loves it (and they love him).
The Doctor says I have dragged this out for way too long and I can see how he has a point. Waiting until the very last minute before I have to be up there might not have been the best idea. I was putting off the inevitable but I wasn't doing any mental work to prepare myself for the actual move. In putting it off, all I've done is make it harder on myself.
I had breakfast today with a wonderful friend (at my favorite breakfast place). E is phenomenal because she is so levelheaded and always says exactly the right thing. I was telling her how I felt and she pointed out that this is the best possible thing for our family. She told me I am going to love unpacking and setting up our new house the way I want it, and I know she's right. I am almost certain a month or 2 into our new home, we are going to feel like this is how it's always been.
I have already been through denial, anger, and bargaining (I actually told The Doctor, "If we move, we are getting a dog" because I've always said no dog until L goes to college. At the time, I figured if I said it, we wouldn't move. I am now making good on my bargain and have been researching the perfect dog for us.); I've felt depression and now I have got to get to acceptance. I have told the girls repeatedly that our attitudes will dictate how this change turns out for us. If we are sad and refusing to let go of the past, this will be awful. If we are excited for the change and embrace all the newness with open arms, this will end up being an amazing experience.
We are moving. It will be different, but it will be wonderful. We will still see our friends and my parents and our lives will be better for this. I guess this is my new mantra until it becomes my reality.
Wednesday, May 30, 2018
Goodbye, my friend.
This story starts 17 years ago, when I was newly engaged and joined a message board for brides to be. I was living in MI, no family around and I was so new to town I hadn't yet made friends. I became friends with "The Knotties". I didn't know any of them in person, but a few of us became close within the message boards. A few years later, shortly after I had B, I received an email from a Knottie. She told me she was starting a new, smaller message board and invited me to be part of it.
This message board, ML, was a life saver. I was still in MI, The Doctor and I were blissfully married and I was excited to be a new Mommy, but I was alone. I had no friends with newborns, my family was in FL and The Doctor was working resident hours. I turned to these ladies for everything. Our friendship blossomed from just strangers on a message board to real friends. Not all of us have had the opportunity to meet each other, but we all knew what was going on with each other. We got it. When one was having a problem with breast feeding, or tantrums, or sleepless nights, or scared to be adding a second, we were there. We used to say how nice it would be if we could develop a tube system so if one of us was out of peanut butter, another could just stick her extra jar in the tube. We joked about starting a commune, where we all raised each others kids.
Through the years, we got to know one another more. We were there for births of our babies, divorces, remarriages, and sadly deaths of loved ones. We were a support like no other and save for my sister from another mister, I have known these ladies the longest of any of my other friends. . . We are so much more than just online friends.
After Facebook came along, a lot of us moved over there, still following each other's achievements and cooing like proud Mamas when one of our children did something amazing. Not everyone moved to Facebook, though, and so some of us lost touch. I can't speak for others, but I have thought about these women pretty much every day.
I received a phone call yesterday from an MLer I haven't heard from in a while. I met her in Disney a few years ago, so when I saw her pop up on my Caller ID yesterday, I was excited, hoping it was her telling me they were planning another family vacation (secretly hoping I'd be able to crash it).
"Hello?" I answered, quickly and excitedly.
"CGM?" said a tentative voice.
"HRH! Hi! How are you? I can't believe how long it's been!" I babbled.
"I'm OK. I'm actually calling with. . . Um. . . S died yesterday. She had a heart attack."
I nearly dropped the phone. I'm friends with S on Facebook. Just 2 days before this phone call, she was posting about the pool she loves to take her kids to. She just started a new business with Rodan & Fields. What was this I was hearing?? It made no sense.
HRH told me she hated to go, but she'd call me back, another MLer was calling her and hung up and I just looked at my phone in shock, thinking this had to be a sick, cruel joke.
S was 8 years older than me, with a 14 year old son and an 8 year old daughter. She had the sunniest personality I've ever seen. Always a smile, a laugh and a kind word. My heart hurts for her husband and her sweet children. I wish there were more I can do than just offer words.
I just stared at my phone and said, "OMG" over and over again, until it rang again and it was HRH.
She apologized for having to run and I told her, "It's OK. I'm in shock. I can't believe it."
"I know. S's father-in-law was going through her phone contacts and that's how I found out. Unless someone stole her phone and is playing a very cruel trick, it's true."
We spent a few minutes reminiscing and catching up, both of us saying we can't let time go like this again.
Most of us haven't been on our old message board in years, but we all reconvened last night. It reminded me of all of those movies where someone dies and all of their friends who lost track are brought back together to grieve. Why does it take a death to bring people together? We never should have lost touch and it kills me that we are now in touch again because we all lost such a sweet, kind friend.
Sometimes, in order to make shocking news feel more real, you need to say it out loud. So, I did. I told my parents.
"How did you know her?" my Dad asked.
Saying through the internet or a message board just doesn't convey our friendship, because it was so much more than that. The only one who truly gets how deep we run is The Doctor, because he was there in the beginning. This Mommy Board was so much more than just a chat room. It was a support group, a place to laugh and cry. They are my friends and it hurts that we lost one so young. Too soon.
RIP Susan. You will always be in my heart and on my mind and ML will not be the same without you.
This message board, ML, was a life saver. I was still in MI, The Doctor and I were blissfully married and I was excited to be a new Mommy, but I was alone. I had no friends with newborns, my family was in FL and The Doctor was working resident hours. I turned to these ladies for everything. Our friendship blossomed from just strangers on a message board to real friends. Not all of us have had the opportunity to meet each other, but we all knew what was going on with each other. We got it. When one was having a problem with breast feeding, or tantrums, or sleepless nights, or scared to be adding a second, we were there. We used to say how nice it would be if we could develop a tube system so if one of us was out of peanut butter, another could just stick her extra jar in the tube. We joked about starting a commune, where we all raised each others kids.
Through the years, we got to know one another more. We were there for births of our babies, divorces, remarriages, and sadly deaths of loved ones. We were a support like no other and save for my sister from another mister, I have known these ladies the longest of any of my other friends. . . We are so much more than just online friends.
After Facebook came along, a lot of us moved over there, still following each other's achievements and cooing like proud Mamas when one of our children did something amazing. Not everyone moved to Facebook, though, and so some of us lost touch. I can't speak for others, but I have thought about these women pretty much every day.
I received a phone call yesterday from an MLer I haven't heard from in a while. I met her in Disney a few years ago, so when I saw her pop up on my Caller ID yesterday, I was excited, hoping it was her telling me they were planning another family vacation (secretly hoping I'd be able to crash it).
"Hello?" I answered, quickly and excitedly.
"CGM?" said a tentative voice.
"HRH! Hi! How are you? I can't believe how long it's been!" I babbled.
"I'm OK. I'm actually calling with. . . Um. . . S died yesterday. She had a heart attack."
I nearly dropped the phone. I'm friends with S on Facebook. Just 2 days before this phone call, she was posting about the pool she loves to take her kids to. She just started a new business with Rodan & Fields. What was this I was hearing?? It made no sense.
HRH told me she hated to go, but she'd call me back, another MLer was calling her and hung up and I just looked at my phone in shock, thinking this had to be a sick, cruel joke.
S was 8 years older than me, with a 14 year old son and an 8 year old daughter. She had the sunniest personality I've ever seen. Always a smile, a laugh and a kind word. My heart hurts for her husband and her sweet children. I wish there were more I can do than just offer words.
I just stared at my phone and said, "OMG" over and over again, until it rang again and it was HRH.
She apologized for having to run and I told her, "It's OK. I'm in shock. I can't believe it."
"I know. S's father-in-law was going through her phone contacts and that's how I found out. Unless someone stole her phone and is playing a very cruel trick, it's true."
We spent a few minutes reminiscing and catching up, both of us saying we can't let time go like this again.
Most of us haven't been on our old message board in years, but we all reconvened last night. It reminded me of all of those movies where someone dies and all of their friends who lost track are brought back together to grieve. Why does it take a death to bring people together? We never should have lost touch and it kills me that we are now in touch again because we all lost such a sweet, kind friend.
Sometimes, in order to make shocking news feel more real, you need to say it out loud. So, I did. I told my parents.
"How did you know her?" my Dad asked.
Saying through the internet or a message board just doesn't convey our friendship, because it was so much more than that. The only one who truly gets how deep we run is The Doctor, because he was there in the beginning. This Mommy Board was so much more than just a chat room. It was a support group, a place to laugh and cry. They are my friends and it hurts that we lost one so young. Too soon.
RIP Susan. You will always be in my heart and on my mind and ML will not be the same without you.
Wednesday, May 2, 2018
Be the Happy: Goal Accomplished!
Back in December, I blogged about my main goal for 2018. You can find that wonderfully written piece here: http://3curlygirlies.blogspot.com/2017/12/2018-year-of-me.html
In a brief summary: I bumped into a teacher, who I'm now honored to call my friend, at L's school and I mentioned to her how I loved how she was always happy. She radiates happiness and joy and she replied with a very serious look, "Life is too short for anything but." I mulled that over for a few weeks and decided 2018 was going to be my year of happy. I set 3 goals for myself:
1) Laugh more
2) Yell Less
3) Try to find joy in everything
My hope was by the time 2018 closes, someone would tell me they love how happy I always am.
I didn't really put too much thought into accomplishing these goals, I just went about my business as usual. I found myself smiling more, especially at strangers and I found myself empathizing with people more. I've always been friendly, but with a distance. Suddenly, I found myself striking up conversations with fellow Target shoppers about products, and once I offered to help a young, new Mom who was looking flustered with her crying baby and shopping cart. She thanked me but declined and I walked away feeling really good about myself. I saw myself talking to sales associates as though they were friends, and it made a difference in my shopping experience and most likely their day. I started laughing more and yelling less.
I found the joy. I feel happy. Even with all the stress going on in my life, I am still happy. I'm so sad about moving, but I'm still happy. Instead of looking at it as moving to a place where we only know a small handful of people, and the majority of those are family, I told the girlies we need to look at it as we are moving to a place where we have friends, we just haven't met them yet.
A few weeks ago, my Mom was in the car with me as we were coming back into her gated community. I handed my license to the guard and said, "Hi Terri! How are you today?" Terri answered and we had a brief conversation about her day so far, before I said, "Well, I hope it goes by quickly. I'll see you later!"
My Mom started laughing and said, "How do you know her name?"
"Because I asked after the third time I came through and she was there," I answered, thinking it was obvious.
"Do you know all the guards?" she asked me.
"At this particular gate, I do," I said.
"Do you talk to all of them?"
"Yes, I do," I said. "They are people too and since I'm going to be seeing them quite often, I figured I'd get to know them."
My Mom told me I should watch the movie "Dear Heart" which is about a single woman, Evie Jackson, who makes it a point of talking to everyone like they are a friend (though instead of asking for a name, she would say, "She looks like a Gertrude. Hi Gertrude!") The movie was just OK, but I absolutely loved Evie. I've found when I treat everyone as though we are already friends, every situation becomes a happier one. Even the most tedious tasks become more fun.
A change in attitude changes everything! I mean sure, we all know this, but sometimes it's very tough to implement it. When your day is going wrong from the get go, sometimes it's easier to give in to that than it is to attempt to change it. One of the inspirational quotes the Curly Girlies found in their lunch boxes a few weeks ago was "A bad attitude is like a flat tire, you won't get anywhere until you change it." It's so true. The world is a brighter, sunnier, happier place when you open your eyes and your heart.
Today, I was standing in line at Bed Bath and Beyond waiting to pay. I was called to the next cashier and walked up to his station. When I started unloading my cart, I asked, "Hello, how are you today?"
"Fine," he replied. "Are you from [our state]?"
"Yes, I am," I said. "Why?"
I thought maybe he was going to say I sounded like I was from out of town.
"Because you radiate such joy, happiness, and positivity and I don't see that often here," he explained.
My face lit up and I gushed, "Oh my! Thank you so much! You have no idea how much of a compliment this is to me!"
He smiled and said, "Well, it's true."
I explained to him about the goal I set for myself.
"I feel so accomplished knowing I made my goal!" I said excitedly.
He finished ringing me up, held up his hand and said, "Well, that deserves a high 5! Setting and accomplishing goals is huge!" We high fived, I blushed and floated out of there so pleased that without even realizing it, I somehow changed.
I have been saying after we move, I am going to the Mrs. G of L's school. I mean, I'm not going to teach, but personality wise I want to be Mrs. G. After today, I know that will be the case because a perfect stranger sees the joy and happiness I am now emitting.
This afternoon I was wandering around Target and found an iced coffee cup with "Some people pursue happiness, others create it" written on it. I used to look for happiness and I only rarely found it but now I create happiness and put it out there for others to find. Being happy is certainly a lot more fun!
In a brief summary: I bumped into a teacher, who I'm now honored to call my friend, at L's school and I mentioned to her how I loved how she was always happy. She radiates happiness and joy and she replied with a very serious look, "Life is too short for anything but." I mulled that over for a few weeks and decided 2018 was going to be my year of happy. I set 3 goals for myself:
1) Laugh more
2) Yell Less
3) Try to find joy in everything
My hope was by the time 2018 closes, someone would tell me they love how happy I always am.
I didn't really put too much thought into accomplishing these goals, I just went about my business as usual. I found myself smiling more, especially at strangers and I found myself empathizing with people more. I've always been friendly, but with a distance. Suddenly, I found myself striking up conversations with fellow Target shoppers about products, and once I offered to help a young, new Mom who was looking flustered with her crying baby and shopping cart. She thanked me but declined and I walked away feeling really good about myself. I saw myself talking to sales associates as though they were friends, and it made a difference in my shopping experience and most likely their day. I started laughing more and yelling less.
I found the joy. I feel happy. Even with all the stress going on in my life, I am still happy. I'm so sad about moving, but I'm still happy. Instead of looking at it as moving to a place where we only know a small handful of people, and the majority of those are family, I told the girlies we need to look at it as we are moving to a place where we have friends, we just haven't met them yet.
A few weeks ago, my Mom was in the car with me as we were coming back into her gated community. I handed my license to the guard and said, "Hi Terri! How are you today?" Terri answered and we had a brief conversation about her day so far, before I said, "Well, I hope it goes by quickly. I'll see you later!"
My Mom started laughing and said, "How do you know her name?"
"Because I asked after the third time I came through and she was there," I answered, thinking it was obvious.
"Do you know all the guards?" she asked me.
"At this particular gate, I do," I said.
"Do you talk to all of them?"
"Yes, I do," I said. "They are people too and since I'm going to be seeing them quite often, I figured I'd get to know them."
My Mom told me I should watch the movie "Dear Heart" which is about a single woman, Evie Jackson, who makes it a point of talking to everyone like they are a friend (though instead of asking for a name, she would say, "She looks like a Gertrude. Hi Gertrude!") The movie was just OK, but I absolutely loved Evie. I've found when I treat everyone as though we are already friends, every situation becomes a happier one. Even the most tedious tasks become more fun.
A change in attitude changes everything! I mean sure, we all know this, but sometimes it's very tough to implement it. When your day is going wrong from the get go, sometimes it's easier to give in to that than it is to attempt to change it. One of the inspirational quotes the Curly Girlies found in their lunch boxes a few weeks ago was "A bad attitude is like a flat tire, you won't get anywhere until you change it." It's so true. The world is a brighter, sunnier, happier place when you open your eyes and your heart.
Today, I was standing in line at Bed Bath and Beyond waiting to pay. I was called to the next cashier and walked up to his station. When I started unloading my cart, I asked, "Hello, how are you today?"
"Fine," he replied. "Are you from [our state]?"
"Yes, I am," I said. "Why?"
I thought maybe he was going to say I sounded like I was from out of town.
"Because you radiate such joy, happiness, and positivity and I don't see that often here," he explained.
My face lit up and I gushed, "Oh my! Thank you so much! You have no idea how much of a compliment this is to me!"
He smiled and said, "Well, it's true."
I explained to him about the goal I set for myself.
"I feel so accomplished knowing I made my goal!" I said excitedly.
He finished ringing me up, held up his hand and said, "Well, that deserves a high 5! Setting and accomplishing goals is huge!" We high fived, I blushed and floated out of there so pleased that without even realizing it, I somehow changed.
I have been saying after we move, I am going to the Mrs. G of L's school. I mean, I'm not going to teach, but personality wise I want to be Mrs. G. After today, I know that will be the case because a perfect stranger sees the joy and happiness I am now emitting.
This afternoon I was wandering around Target and found an iced coffee cup with "Some people pursue happiness, others create it" written on it. I used to look for happiness and I only rarely found it but now I create happiness and put it out there for others to find. Being happy is certainly a lot more fun!
Monday, April 30, 2018
That Dreaded Testing Time
Life with The Curly Girly Trio has been quite hectic. We have moved in with my parents while The Doctor is settled in with his Dad and we are in limbo until the house situation works itself out. Life goes on and with that comes the state standardized tests. I'm sure most states have them and unless your child attends private school in which they can be opted out, you've seen your kids prep and fret and fret and prep. And for what? For a silly test the state feels is a good indicator at how well the school is performing. It's utterly ludicrous that the grade of the school lies in the hands of a bunch of nervous kids. Kids who have been told their livelihood in school depends on how they do on these tests. I fully know that most teachers don't tell that to their students, but they are hearing it somewhere and it makes them nervous all the same.
I don't know anyone who likes these tests. I'm friends with a lot teachers and all of them complain. I'm friends with a lot of parents and all of them complain too. I often say if the state wants to see how a school is performing, give the kids an end of the year test at the beginning of the year, and the same test at the end of the year and compare the results, but that's too easy for the wonderful non educator politicians running our state.
I can complain all I want, but that isn't going to change the fact that both B and M have these dreaded tests tomorrow. M has the second day of the English Language Arts and B has the all comprehensive science test. It has questions from 6-8 grade science and while one would hope the kids would have remembered pertinent information from 6th, 7th, and the beginning and middle of 8th grades, lets face it, most of these kids can't remember to do their chores or turn in their homework.
I picked up B from school this afternoon and the first thing she asked me was, "What's for dinner?"
"Salmon, rice, some kind of veggie and a salad," I replied.
"I'm supposed to carb load. Can we please have pasta?" she asked.
"Carb load??" I asked, incredulously. "Are you running a marathon?"
"Mommy! Mr. F says it's important to carb load before a big test!" she exclaimed, highly offended. "But fine, if you want me to fail the big test, that's OK with me!"
"Uh. . . It's important to carb load before a big race. It's important to get rest and eat a healthy breakfast before a big test," I explained, as patiently as I could.
"You don't understand!! Mr. F did a study and found that when you eat a lot of carbs the night before a big test it keeps your brain going during the test! But I get it. You want me to fail. That's OK. I won't score well, I won't get into the bioengineering program at the high school* next year and that will set me up for failure for everything else!" she huffed.
I was really baffled. I tried not to laugh and to keep my voice steady.
"B, whether or not you get into the bioengineering program, if we are even in an area zoned for that school, doesn't set up the rest of your life. It's 9th grade. You have the rest of high school, college, and medical school and I guarantee you, whether or not you were in a bioengineering program in high school won't determine whether you get into college and medical school."
She muttered a little bit more about how it was fine if I wanted her to fail so I tried explaining again what these tests are for.
"B, listen to me. Your score doesn't determine whether or not you move on to 9th grade and beyond. Getting a low score isn't enough to hold you back; there's a process to go through if you don't do well. You have taken so many of these tests in your life as a student, not once did you carb load and you did well every single time. I really don't think carb loading is the answer. Remember, these tests determine the grade of the school, so everyone at the school is trying to get you students pumped up to do well. You just need to relax. Along with carb loading, did Mr. F give you a study guide or anything of value to help you study?"
"Yes," she replied with an eye roll and a snotty tone.
"Well, good, then instead of carb loading, why don't you load your brain with that information?"
"I'm going to look up what you're supposed to eat before a big test when we get home. Actually, can I just use your phone?" said while grabbing my phone.
She was quiet for a few minutes and I took that time to enjoy the peacefulness.
"It says here you are supposed to eat a lot of carbs the night before running a race," B read.
"Hmm. . . really?" I replied. At this point we were sitting in the car in front of the house. I turned off the car. "Can you please look up the rest once we're inside?"
"Hold on," she answered. "It says here before a big test you should eat high protein and foods with fatty acids and fruits and veggies."
"Mm hmm," I replied nonchalantly, opening the trunk so she could retrieve her backpack and trumpet.
"I guess the salmon and veggies for dinner is OK after all," she concluded, with a smile.
"Well, what do you know?" I said as we walked toward the house. (That's Mom Speak for "Told you so!!!")
Add another tick to all the times Mom was right!
* We haven't yet determined where exactly we will be next year, but one of the high schools has a bioengineering track that B is very excited about.
I don't know anyone who likes these tests. I'm friends with a lot teachers and all of them complain. I'm friends with a lot of parents and all of them complain too. I often say if the state wants to see how a school is performing, give the kids an end of the year test at the beginning of the year, and the same test at the end of the year and compare the results, but that's too easy for the wonderful non educator politicians running our state.
I can complain all I want, but that isn't going to change the fact that both B and M have these dreaded tests tomorrow. M has the second day of the English Language Arts and B has the all comprehensive science test. It has questions from 6-8 grade science and while one would hope the kids would have remembered pertinent information from 6th, 7th, and the beginning and middle of 8th grades, lets face it, most of these kids can't remember to do their chores or turn in their homework.
I picked up B from school this afternoon and the first thing she asked me was, "What's for dinner?"
"Salmon, rice, some kind of veggie and a salad," I replied.
"I'm supposed to carb load. Can we please have pasta?" she asked.
"Carb load??" I asked, incredulously. "Are you running a marathon?"
"Mommy! Mr. F says it's important to carb load before a big test!" she exclaimed, highly offended. "But fine, if you want me to fail the big test, that's OK with me!"
"Uh. . . It's important to carb load before a big race. It's important to get rest and eat a healthy breakfast before a big test," I explained, as patiently as I could.
"You don't understand!! Mr. F did a study and found that when you eat a lot of carbs the night before a big test it keeps your brain going during the test! But I get it. You want me to fail. That's OK. I won't score well, I won't get into the bioengineering program at the high school* next year and that will set me up for failure for everything else!" she huffed.
I was really baffled. I tried not to laugh and to keep my voice steady.
"B, whether or not you get into the bioengineering program, if we are even in an area zoned for that school, doesn't set up the rest of your life. It's 9th grade. You have the rest of high school, college, and medical school and I guarantee you, whether or not you were in a bioengineering program in high school won't determine whether you get into college and medical school."
She muttered a little bit more about how it was fine if I wanted her to fail so I tried explaining again what these tests are for.
"B, listen to me. Your score doesn't determine whether or not you move on to 9th grade and beyond. Getting a low score isn't enough to hold you back; there's a process to go through if you don't do well. You have taken so many of these tests in your life as a student, not once did you carb load and you did well every single time. I really don't think carb loading is the answer. Remember, these tests determine the grade of the school, so everyone at the school is trying to get you students pumped up to do well. You just need to relax. Along with carb loading, did Mr. F give you a study guide or anything of value to help you study?"
"Yes," she replied with an eye roll and a snotty tone.
"Well, good, then instead of carb loading, why don't you load your brain with that information?"
"I'm going to look up what you're supposed to eat before a big test when we get home. Actually, can I just use your phone?" said while grabbing my phone.
She was quiet for a few minutes and I took that time to enjoy the peacefulness.
"It says here you are supposed to eat a lot of carbs the night before running a race," B read.
"Hmm. . . really?" I replied. At this point we were sitting in the car in front of the house. I turned off the car. "Can you please look up the rest once we're inside?"
"Hold on," she answered. "It says here before a big test you should eat high protein and foods with fatty acids and fruits and veggies."
"Mm hmm," I replied nonchalantly, opening the trunk so she could retrieve her backpack and trumpet.
"I guess the salmon and veggies for dinner is OK after all," she concluded, with a smile.
"Well, what do you know?" I said as we walked toward the house. (That's Mom Speak for "Told you so!!!")
Add another tick to all the times Mom was right!
* We haven't yet determined where exactly we will be next year, but one of the high schools has a bioengineering track that B is very excited about.
Sunday, February 25, 2018
Making Friends and Building Friendships
The word is now out. . . we are packing up the TARDIS and moving about 3.5 hours North. The Doctor has found a new opportunity and as sad as it is to admit, this is the best move for our family. While he starts next week, The Curly Girly Trio and I are staying here to finish up the school year. We are in the midst of boxes and paper and bubble wrap and more boxes and clutter and more boxes. While we aren't planning on leaving the area for a few more months, I want us to get out of this house as fast as we can because I didn't think it was realistic for me to keep up the house for showings and accomplish everything else we need to do. So, while The Doctor is living with his Dad, the curly girlies and I will be moving in with my parents. We will go up some weekends to house hunt and will hopefully have a house up there by the time the rest of us are ready to join The Doctor.
We are all a bit apprehensive about this move. I had a sneaking suspicion that The Doctor is especially excited, since he's going back to what he loves and his family will be very close by, but he said he, too, is sad about this. B was holding out for a little over a month that it really wasn't happening and was quite shocked when we handed her 2 bankers boxes last week and told her to start packing up her books.
"Wait a minute," she said. "You mean we are really moving?"
"Yes!" exclaimed The Doctor, in an incredulous tone. "Did you really think we were not?"
"Well, yeah. I mean you hadn't signed the contract and I just thought. . . " B trailed off.
I gave her a hug and sat down on her bed.
"I know, B. It felt like it was up in the air for so long, but it is actually happening and we have to deal with it."
"I know," she replied quietly, while playing with a thread on her comforter.
"It's scary, isn't it?" I asked her.
"Yeah. . . and I really don't want to move away from O and all of my friends!"
"I know. But, guess what? You'll see O when we come down to visit and guess what?"
"What?" she asked.
"In 4 years you're going off to college" {insert mini panic attack from me} "and you and O can apply to the same colleges. Maybe you'll both get in and you can be roomies!"
"Oh yeah!" B exclaimed with a smile.
I walked out, trying to calm myself down. How can it only be 4 more years? Anyway. . .
I have had a very positive outlook on this move because the Curly Girlies are going to take their cues from me and if I show them I am scared and sad, this will be a terrible experience for all. Truthfully, though, I'm extremely sad and even more scared.
I grew up in this area and save for the 3 years we lived out of state and the 1 year we lived a little Northwest of here, I've always lived here. My parents are here. All of my friends are here. Starting over is scary!
When we lived out of this state, I didn't start making friends until B was born and we moved 6 months later. When we moved to CW, I tried to make friends. The Doctor says I didn't try hard enough, and maybe I didn't, but we were there for a year and I knew no one. I joined a Mommy and Me, but I didn't have anything in common with the other Moms, except that we were all Moms. . . Maybe The Doctor is right. Hmm. . . It was a lonely and sad time and one I do not care to repeat.
About 6 months after we moved down here, M was born. I put B in preschool and joined another Mommy and Me, where M met her first best friend and I met my second soul sister. (My first soul sister and I have been friends since we were 2 and while we haven't lived in the same state for over 20 years, we talk daily.)
When B was in second grade, one of her classmates was the daughter of the PTO treasurer and I fell in with the PTO Moms and found my groove. Now, here we are 6 years later and I love knowing that I will bump into people I know in Target and the grocery store. I love walking into the elementary school and seeing a friend around every corner.
I am so scared to move because I worry it will be hard to make friends again. I am super excited that we will be close to The Doctor's brother and his family because my sister-in-law and I are great friends and I am super excited to get to hang out with her so much more, but I don't want to end up in a situation where all of my new friends are her current friends.
I was explaining my fears to my Mom the other night and she said, "Oh, CGM, you have nothing to worry about! You are so friendly and extroverted, you'll make friends in no time!"
Does she not know me at all?!? Actually, I am probably the most extroverted shy person you will ever meet. Sometimes I surprise myself at how easily I talk to people, because I have always considered myself to be shy. . . but back to the problem at hand.
B will be in 9th grade, M will be in 7th grade and L will be in 4th grade. I don't think there will be much I can do to make friends at the high school and middle school and I have said I do not want to be active in the PTO/PTA at the elementary school, at least not to the degree I am now, but that might be my only way to make friends.
It reminds me of 3 years ago. . . During the first week of school, one of my very good friends had a Pampered Chef party and I knew pretty much everyone there, except for one new face. She and her family had just moved here from another state and she jumped right into the PTO, probably because she knew it was the best way to make friends.
I know the 3 girls are scared and I keep telling them they will make friends in no time. B will be in marching band, M will join a swim team and L will do soccer (or maybe curling, but that's a story for another time). But what about me? To quote the girls, "Everyone will already know each other." and "What if they don't like me?" It's so funny that at the age of 40, I'm having social anxiety. I keep having to remind myself, I'm not the weird little 6 year old that got picked on anymore. I'm a very nice, only a little weird, 40 year old. I just have to keep reminding myself: "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it, people like me!" At least they do down here.
We are all a bit apprehensive about this move. I had a sneaking suspicion that The Doctor is especially excited, since he's going back to what he loves and his family will be very close by, but he said he, too, is sad about this. B was holding out for a little over a month that it really wasn't happening and was quite shocked when we handed her 2 bankers boxes last week and told her to start packing up her books.
"Wait a minute," she said. "You mean we are really moving?"
"Yes!" exclaimed The Doctor, in an incredulous tone. "Did you really think we were not?"
"Well, yeah. I mean you hadn't signed the contract and I just thought. . . " B trailed off.
I gave her a hug and sat down on her bed.
"I know, B. It felt like it was up in the air for so long, but it is actually happening and we have to deal with it."
"I know," she replied quietly, while playing with a thread on her comforter.
"It's scary, isn't it?" I asked her.
"Yeah. . . and I really don't want to move away from O and all of my friends!"
"I know. But, guess what? You'll see O when we come down to visit and guess what?"
"What?" she asked.
"In 4 years you're going off to college" {insert mini panic attack from me} "and you and O can apply to the same colleges. Maybe you'll both get in and you can be roomies!"
"Oh yeah!" B exclaimed with a smile.
I walked out, trying to calm myself down. How can it only be 4 more years? Anyway. . .
I have had a very positive outlook on this move because the Curly Girlies are going to take their cues from me and if I show them I am scared and sad, this will be a terrible experience for all. Truthfully, though, I'm extremely sad and even more scared.
I grew up in this area and save for the 3 years we lived out of state and the 1 year we lived a little Northwest of here, I've always lived here. My parents are here. All of my friends are here. Starting over is scary!
When we lived out of this state, I didn't start making friends until B was born and we moved 6 months later. When we moved to CW, I tried to make friends. The Doctor says I didn't try hard enough, and maybe I didn't, but we were there for a year and I knew no one. I joined a Mommy and Me, but I didn't have anything in common with the other Moms, except that we were all Moms. . . Maybe The Doctor is right. Hmm. . . It was a lonely and sad time and one I do not care to repeat.
About 6 months after we moved down here, M was born. I put B in preschool and joined another Mommy and Me, where M met her first best friend and I met my second soul sister. (My first soul sister and I have been friends since we were 2 and while we haven't lived in the same state for over 20 years, we talk daily.)
When B was in second grade, one of her classmates was the daughter of the PTO treasurer and I fell in with the PTO Moms and found my groove. Now, here we are 6 years later and I love knowing that I will bump into people I know in Target and the grocery store. I love walking into the elementary school and seeing a friend around every corner.
I am so scared to move because I worry it will be hard to make friends again. I am super excited that we will be close to The Doctor's brother and his family because my sister-in-law and I are great friends and I am super excited to get to hang out with her so much more, but I don't want to end up in a situation where all of my new friends are her current friends.
I was explaining my fears to my Mom the other night and she said, "Oh, CGM, you have nothing to worry about! You are so friendly and extroverted, you'll make friends in no time!"
Does she not know me at all?!? Actually, I am probably the most extroverted shy person you will ever meet. Sometimes I surprise myself at how easily I talk to people, because I have always considered myself to be shy. . . but back to the problem at hand.
B will be in 9th grade, M will be in 7th grade and L will be in 4th grade. I don't think there will be much I can do to make friends at the high school and middle school and I have said I do not want to be active in the PTO/PTA at the elementary school, at least not to the degree I am now, but that might be my only way to make friends.
It reminds me of 3 years ago. . . During the first week of school, one of my very good friends had a Pampered Chef party and I knew pretty much everyone there, except for one new face. She and her family had just moved here from another state and she jumped right into the PTO, probably because she knew it was the best way to make friends.
I know the 3 girls are scared and I keep telling them they will make friends in no time. B will be in marching band, M will join a swim team and L will do soccer (or maybe curling, but that's a story for another time). But what about me? To quote the girls, "Everyone will already know each other." and "What if they don't like me?" It's so funny that at the age of 40, I'm having social anxiety. I keep having to remind myself, I'm not the weird little 6 year old that got picked on anymore. I'm a very nice, only a little weird, 40 year old. I just have to keep reminding myself: "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it, people like me!" At least they do down here.
Friday, February 16, 2018
Be the Change
One of my favorite quotes is "Be the change you want to see in the world". I love it because those 10 words have so much meaning. If you aren't happy about something, complaining does absolutely no good, you have to step up do something to make a change.
The latest school shooting took place practically in my backyard. Parkland is about 25 minutes north of me and while I do not personally know any of the victims or their families, it hit home. Everyone in my community is jumpy and scared.
There has been a lot of talk of gun reform, and I fully agree something has to change, but that is a lot harder for us to do than other things that also need to change. Why did the Broward County School Board allow an open campus? Schools are supposed to be single point entry. Why didn't anyone notice this "student" wasn't wearing an ID? Anyone can enter any school at any time and if their intent is to kill, they will.
I am very active in my girls' schools. I am Vice President of the PTO at L's elementary school and I am SAF chair for both the elementary and middle schools. SAF is Student Advisory Forum and I go to a meeting once a month to discuss school board policies. I was at a meeting 3 weeks ago where our area's school board member was in attendance. I brought up school security and I said, "Single Point Entry is all well and good, but what good will it do if the deranged person jumps the counter, or shoots the secretaries and waltzes into the school? We need buzzers on the doors and partitions in the lobbies, further securing the school." This school board member shook her head and replied, "There just isn't enough money for that." That's crazy!!! Am I the only one who hears how crazy that is??? Think about it. "There just isn't enough money for that." There isn't enough money to make sure our children are safe?? School is where our kids spend the majority of their time. M-F for 38 weeks of the year (this number doesn't include winter or spring breaks) for 6 hours a day we send our children to school. We expect they will be safe and I'm told there's no money to make sure the schools are secure? There was money to make sure the School Board building is secure, does that mean the School Board members think they need more protection than our children?
I am not the kind of person to just sit back and complain. I want to be the change and it kills me that in this instance I cannot. You see, we are moving over the Summer and I will no longer be in this school district. If I was, I would be running for a seat on the School Board because "there just isn't enough money for that" isn't a good enough answer for me. I am infuriated this is the attitude our School Board members have and I'm infuriated that it seems to be an OK answer for other people.
Everyone on Social Media is talking about gun control, but that's not going to fix this issue. Someone who wants to kill will find a way to do it so if guns are more regulated they'll make a homemade bomb, or bring in knives. What will people be saying then, since gun control was fixed? The issue isn't that this guy was able to legally buy a gun (though I find it absolutely ludicrous that he's able to buy a gun, but he's not old enough to drink or rent a car. . . where is the sense there?), the issue is that our School Board failed these kids. They failed these families. They failed us. There is money to fight the House Bill that wants to turn failing public schools into charter schools, but there isn't money to make sure our children walk into school and will be safe there all day. There is money to train teachers how to teach our children to pass the Standardized Assessment tests, and there is money to have people write the useless tests, but there is no money to ensure me a deranged person won't enter my child's school and set a fire, shoot a gun or set off a pressure cooker bomb. Is that supposed to make me sleep better at night, that at least my kid will pass this test? What good will it do when they are hiding under a desk fearing for their life?
I shouldn't have to remind my daughters that if their school goes on lockdown, they are to grab their phones, turn them on and silence them and text me. I shouldn't have to try to find the words to assure my 8 year old that this is something that doesn't happen every day and going to school is still safe. How can I look her in the eye and tell her that when I know her safety means nothing to our School Board?
I am livid. I am infuriated. I am pissed and you should be too. I can't be the change right now but I will find a way and I encourage you if you are able, be the change in your community. Do not let this happen again. Go to school board meetings and ask the questions and when you are told, "There just isn't money for that" ask why not and don't take that bullshit answer lying down.
The latest school shooting took place practically in my backyard. Parkland is about 25 minutes north of me and while I do not personally know any of the victims or their families, it hit home. Everyone in my community is jumpy and scared.
There has been a lot of talk of gun reform, and I fully agree something has to change, but that is a lot harder for us to do than other things that also need to change. Why did the Broward County School Board allow an open campus? Schools are supposed to be single point entry. Why didn't anyone notice this "student" wasn't wearing an ID? Anyone can enter any school at any time and if their intent is to kill, they will.
I am very active in my girls' schools. I am Vice President of the PTO at L's elementary school and I am SAF chair for both the elementary and middle schools. SAF is Student Advisory Forum and I go to a meeting once a month to discuss school board policies. I was at a meeting 3 weeks ago where our area's school board member was in attendance. I brought up school security and I said, "Single Point Entry is all well and good, but what good will it do if the deranged person jumps the counter, or shoots the secretaries and waltzes into the school? We need buzzers on the doors and partitions in the lobbies, further securing the school." This school board member shook her head and replied, "There just isn't enough money for that." That's crazy!!! Am I the only one who hears how crazy that is??? Think about it. "There just isn't enough money for that." There isn't enough money to make sure our children are safe?? School is where our kids spend the majority of their time. M-F for 38 weeks of the year (this number doesn't include winter or spring breaks) for 6 hours a day we send our children to school. We expect they will be safe and I'm told there's no money to make sure the schools are secure? There was money to make sure the School Board building is secure, does that mean the School Board members think they need more protection than our children?
I am not the kind of person to just sit back and complain. I want to be the change and it kills me that in this instance I cannot. You see, we are moving over the Summer and I will no longer be in this school district. If I was, I would be running for a seat on the School Board because "there just isn't enough money for that" isn't a good enough answer for me. I am infuriated this is the attitude our School Board members have and I'm infuriated that it seems to be an OK answer for other people.
Everyone on Social Media is talking about gun control, but that's not going to fix this issue. Someone who wants to kill will find a way to do it so if guns are more regulated they'll make a homemade bomb, or bring in knives. What will people be saying then, since gun control was fixed? The issue isn't that this guy was able to legally buy a gun (though I find it absolutely ludicrous that he's able to buy a gun, but he's not old enough to drink or rent a car. . . where is the sense there?), the issue is that our School Board failed these kids. They failed these families. They failed us. There is money to fight the House Bill that wants to turn failing public schools into charter schools, but there isn't money to make sure our children walk into school and will be safe there all day. There is money to train teachers how to teach our children to pass the Standardized Assessment tests, and there is money to have people write the useless tests, but there is no money to ensure me a deranged person won't enter my child's school and set a fire, shoot a gun or set off a pressure cooker bomb. Is that supposed to make me sleep better at night, that at least my kid will pass this test? What good will it do when they are hiding under a desk fearing for their life?
I shouldn't have to remind my daughters that if their school goes on lockdown, they are to grab their phones, turn them on and silence them and text me. I shouldn't have to try to find the words to assure my 8 year old that this is something that doesn't happen every day and going to school is still safe. How can I look her in the eye and tell her that when I know her safety means nothing to our School Board?
I am livid. I am infuriated. I am pissed and you should be too. I can't be the change right now but I will find a way and I encourage you if you are able, be the change in your community. Do not let this happen again. Go to school board meetings and ask the questions and when you are told, "There just isn't money for that" ask why not and don't take that bullshit answer lying down.
Thursday, January 11, 2018
A Blink of an Eye
I remember, on the last day of 6th grade I told the Mom who drove our after school car pool that the year flew by.
"Just wait," she said. "If you think time flew by fast this year, just wait. With every passing year, time goes by even quicker."
Every once in a while, I think about that statement and never before has it felt so true.
B is 14 and somewhere between her birthday and last night it occurred to me that she is going off to college in 4 years. 4 years!! When she was a baby, 4 years felt like a lifetime, now it feels like a blink.
B is every bit a teenager. She has an attitude, she wears makeup, and her EarPods seem to be permanently glued to her ears. I look at her and I see this mixture of teenager and little girl. Is that how my parents saw me when I was a teenager? We have these amazing conversations, and sometimes I think to myself, "How is my little girl able to converse like this?"
How does 14 years feel like no time? I think back to when she was a baby and I couldn't fathom life with her 14 years down the road. Now we are here, and it feels like her babyhood was just yesterday.
Have you heard the song Better Place, by Rachel Platten? That's my ringtone for B because she made my world a better place 14 years ago. It doesn't matter where I am, whenever I hear the song (even just as my ringtone) I tear up. It always makes me think back to when B was baby and I start to think: did I squander away time? Did I really try to enjoy each moment? Have I given enough of myself to her? When she's a Mom, will she have happy stories to tell her kids about her childhood?
I find it so annoying to have to remind her to do her homework every day and to put away her things, yet I know in 4 years, I'm going to miss reminding her to do her homework every day and put away her things. I'm going to miss the attitude I get when I remind her to do her homework (it doesn't always seem like it, but I know the first day of college, when she's not here for me to remind her, I'm going to cry). I want these last 4 years to be filled with more love and less annoyance.
I remember when I was little, I read an article in People Magazine about this little girl who would never grow past the infant stage. At the age of 10, I think, she still looked like a one year old. She couldn't talk or walk, yet she still went to school. I read the article and I was fascinated.
"I would love that!" I exclaimed to my Mom.
"No, you wouldn't," she replied. "My heart breaks for that Mom."
"Why?" I asked, baffled. To me, having an eternal baby seemed like such an awesome thing.
"Every mother dreams to watch their children grow up," my Mom explained. "They want to see where life will take them."
I didn't get it then, but I get it now. I have so enjoyed watching B grow up. I have loved watching her sense of humor evolve and I've loved watching her love of learning grow.
Every once in a while, when we are walking out and about, B will come up and slip her hand in mine. I always give it 3 squeezes and my heart squeezes a little bit each time too. How lucky am I that my teenager still wants to hold my hand? Just as quickly as she slips her hand in, she pulls it out and my heart breaks a little.
Every night, she gets into bed and waits for us to come tuck her in. A few weeks ago, I pointed out to The Doctor that when I was 14, I tucked myself in.
"Maybe it's time for B to start tucking in herself," he said.
"No, way!" I replied. "She is 14 and she still wants her parents to come in and say good night to her. I'll do that every night until she tells me to stop."
We looked at each other and we both jumped up to run in and give her her good night kisses.
Last night, as I was tucking her in, I said, "B, I hope you know how much I love tucking you in at night."
"I know," she replied. "I love it too and when I'm older, wherever I am, I'll call you every night and ask you to come tuck me in." I hid the tears in my eyes by smothering my face in her hair and kissing her. I left her room thinking how I need to cherish every night for the next 4 years, because it's going to go by faster than I know it.
Monday, January 8, 2018
The Saddest Day of Winter Break
I'm sitting here getting ready to write about how sad I am break is over and behind me I can hear M and L fighting. . . again. 2 weeks is a long time for togetherness, especially for people who live together. 3 girls with attitudes who all "mother" the other and complain they are being mothered. 3 girls who insist they each have a spot on the couch, and it's the exact same spot. 3 girls who all have Science Fair projects due the week school starts again and none of whom have started (well, finally 2 are almost finished). It's enough to drive any mother to the brink of insanity and yet here I sit lamenting that tomorrow school starts up again.
I know most parents can't wait for their kids to go back to school. I was telling my Mom how I feel about school starting again and she said, "Are you kidding?? I couldn't wait for school to start up again!" I know most of my friends cannot wait to send their kids back, and yet I hate it. It's not because I love being around my girls more, honestly, it's really just sheer laziness on my part.
I love the days that don't have the morning rush. You know, the jumping out of bed at 6:45 because you slept through alarm again. The rushing to make sure the girls are up and prodding them to "hurry up and get dressed!" "If you don't eat breakfast now, you're not eating!" "The neighbor will be here in 5 minutes and you shoes still aren't on!" "You want to go to school with your hair looking like a rat's nest? Whatever."
I love the afternoons where we don't have "Homework Wars". You know, the cajoling of everyone to "please, just sit down and do your homework!" "No, you cannot have yet another snack, you can do your homework." "No, we cannot put on the TV, now do your homework!" "Well, of course you're distracted. What do you expect when you do your homework while sitting on the couch in the middle of the busiest room in the house? Go use your desk we bought for you!" "Pacing again?? Is your homework complete? No? Want to see Mommy go insane, because I'm getting pretty close to that. Go do your homework!!"
I love the nights that I don't have to make lunch. I have a wonderful lunch schedule. It's 8 weeks worth of meals and it pretty much takes all of the thinking out of planning lunch and yet it's still such a loathsome chore. I have friends who tell me their kids make their own lunches; they have baskets set up in the pantry and the fridge and the kids grab what they want and put it into a bag. I don't do that because I think it still requires a lot of prep. The girls never tell me when we are on the last few of anything and I know 8:00 at night is when they'd tell me we are out of whatever lunchy item or items they need. Also, as much as I hate making them, I know my lunches are healthier than anything the girls would take, especially when I see M's lunch box every afternoon is missing the snack, but her entree isn't touched at all and her fruit/veggie is only partially eaten.
Breaks aren't all easy, of course. The girls fight incessantly, they don't listen, we are off schedule, there are no bedtimes, which makes for some very Surly Curly Girlies, the house usually ends up messy (but not this break!!!), I end up behind on laundry (not really different from when we aren't on break, if I'm being honest) but still, I love these days more than the stress filled school ones.
The girls go back tomorrow and that's when my countdown to Spring Break begins: 11 weeks!
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