This story starts 17 years ago, when I was newly engaged and joined a message board for brides to be. I was living in MI, no family around and I was so new to town I hadn't yet made friends. I became friends with "The Knotties". I didn't know any of them in person, but a few of us became close within the message boards. A few years later, shortly after I had B, I received an email from a Knottie. She told me she was starting a new, smaller message board and invited me to be part of it.
This message board, ML, was a life saver. I was still in MI, The Doctor and I were blissfully married and I was excited to be a new Mommy, but I was alone. I had no friends with newborns, my family was in FL and The Doctor was working resident hours. I turned to these ladies for everything. Our friendship blossomed from just strangers on a message board to real friends. Not all of us have had the opportunity to meet each other, but we all knew what was going on with each other. We got it. When one was having a problem with breast feeding, or tantrums, or sleepless nights, or scared to be adding a second, we were there. We used to say how nice it would be if we could develop a tube system so if one of us was out of peanut butter, another could just stick her extra jar in the tube. We joked about starting a commune, where we all raised each others kids.
Through the years, we got to know one another more. We were there for births of our babies, divorces, remarriages, and sadly deaths of loved ones. We were a support like no other and save for my sister from another mister, I have known these ladies the longest of any of my other friends. . . We are so much more than just online friends.
After Facebook came along, a lot of us moved over there, still following each other's achievements and cooing like proud Mamas when one of our children did something amazing. Not everyone moved to Facebook, though, and so some of us lost touch. I can't speak for others, but I have thought about these women pretty much every day.
I received a phone call yesterday from an MLer I haven't heard from in a while. I met her in Disney a few years ago, so when I saw her pop up on my Caller ID yesterday, I was excited, hoping it was her telling me they were planning another family vacation (secretly hoping I'd be able to crash it).
"Hello?" I answered, quickly and excitedly.
"CGM?" said a tentative voice.
"HRH! Hi! How are you? I can't believe how long it's been!" I babbled.
"I'm OK. I'm actually calling with. . . Um. . . S died yesterday. She had a heart attack."
I nearly dropped the phone. I'm friends with S on Facebook. Just 2 days before this phone call, she was posting about the pool she loves to take her kids to. She just started a new business with Rodan & Fields. What was this I was hearing?? It made no sense.
HRH told me she hated to go, but she'd call me back, another MLer was calling her and hung up and I just looked at my phone in shock, thinking this had to be a sick, cruel joke.
S was 8 years older than me, with a 14 year old son and an 8 year old daughter. She had the sunniest personality I've ever seen. Always a smile, a laugh and a kind word. My heart hurts for her husband and her sweet children. I wish there were more I can do than just offer words.
I just stared at my phone and said, "OMG" over and over again, until it rang again and it was HRH.
She apologized for having to run and I told her, "It's OK. I'm in shock. I can't believe it."
"I know. S's father-in-law was going through her phone contacts and that's how I found out. Unless someone stole her phone and is playing a very cruel trick, it's true."
We spent a few minutes reminiscing and catching up, both of us saying we can't let time go like this again.
Most of us haven't been on our old message board in years, but we all reconvened last night. It reminded me of all of those movies where someone dies and all of their friends who lost track are brought back together to grieve. Why does it take a death to bring people together? We never should have lost touch and it kills me that we are now in touch again because we all lost such a sweet, kind friend.
Sometimes, in order to make shocking news feel more real, you need to say it out loud. So, I did. I told my parents.
"How did you know her?" my Dad asked.
Saying through the internet or a message board just doesn't convey our friendship, because it was so much more than that. The only one who truly gets how deep we run is The Doctor, because he was there in the beginning. This Mommy Board was so much more than just a chat room. It was a support group, a place to laugh and cry. They are my friends and it hurts that we lost one so young. Too soon.
RIP Susan. You will always be in my heart and on my mind and ML will not be the same without you.
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