Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Happy Anniversary. . . Sort of.

Today marks the one year anniversary of the first time I started the No Yelling Challenge.  The thing is, it's not been a full year since I stopped yelling.  I fell off the wagon big time the day before Thanksgiving (marking my very first blog post).  I feel like I still need to celebrate today, though, because it was the day that I made the choice to stop yelling.  I am always telling The Curly Girlies that they are in charge of the choices they make.  We talk a lot about taking personal responsibility for our actions.  Back when I was a yeller, my first thought after yelling and causing tears was always, "Well, they made me do it."  One of the reasons why I took the humungous step into not yelling was it occurred to me when an abuser hits their victim, they always say, "You made me do it" (at least according to movies and novels.  Thankfully, I've never experienced it myself).  How was I any different from an abuser?  A light bulb went off above my head and I realized. . . I wasn't.  Just as I wouldn't want my children growing up with memories of me hitting them, nor did I want them growing up with memories of me bruising their inner person.  That's all a yell does, really.  No one likes to be yelled at because it hurts feelings and just makes the victim feel yucky.  I am their Mommy.  I am not supposed to make them feel hurt and yucky.  In fact, just the opposite, I am supposed to make them feel wonderful and happy and sparkly and rainbows.  You get the picture.

Even though I only made it 7 months in my first try, I learned so much from those 7 months.  These past 5 months have been SO much easier than the first 7 were.  While I am disappointed that I'm not able to say today, "It has been 1 full year since I yelled at my Curly Girlies", I can't dwell on that.  I am focusing on the point that it has been one full year since I made the decision to stop yelling and 5 months since I made the decision to try again.  I think if anything, it's wonderful that my girlies can see that I'm not perfect (though I like to say that I am) and that while I, too, make mistakes, I also learn from my mistakes.  Everyone makes mistakes in life, what separates the great from the not so great are those who learn from them.  I have learned.  I am still learning.  I am sure that when I think I've learned it all, another lesson to be taught will come along.

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