This story starts 17 years ago, when I was newly engaged and joined a message board for brides to be. I was living in MI, no family around and I was so new to town I hadn't yet made friends. I became friends with "The Knotties". I didn't know any of them in person, but a few of us became close within the message boards. A few years later, shortly after I had B, I received an email from a Knottie. She told me she was starting a new, smaller message board and invited me to be part of it.
This message board, ML, was a life saver. I was still in MI, The Doctor and I were blissfully married and I was excited to be a new Mommy, but I was alone. I had no friends with newborns, my family was in FL and The Doctor was working resident hours. I turned to these ladies for everything. Our friendship blossomed from just strangers on a message board to real friends. Not all of us have had the opportunity to meet each other, but we all knew what was going on with each other. We got it. When one was having a problem with breast feeding, or tantrums, or sleepless nights, or scared to be adding a second, we were there. We used to say how nice it would be if we could develop a tube system so if one of us was out of peanut butter, another could just stick her extra jar in the tube. We joked about starting a commune, where we all raised each others kids.
Through the years, we got to know one another more. We were there for births of our babies, divorces, remarriages, and sadly deaths of loved ones. We were a support like no other and save for my sister from another mister, I have known these ladies the longest of any of my other friends. . . We are so much more than just online friends.
After Facebook came along, a lot of us moved over there, still following each other's achievements and cooing like proud Mamas when one of our children did something amazing. Not everyone moved to Facebook, though, and so some of us lost touch. I can't speak for others, but I have thought about these women pretty much every day.
I received a phone call yesterday from an MLer I haven't heard from in a while. I met her in Disney a few years ago, so when I saw her pop up on my Caller ID yesterday, I was excited, hoping it was her telling me they were planning another family vacation (secretly hoping I'd be able to crash it).
"Hello?" I answered, quickly and excitedly.
"CGM?" said a tentative voice.
"HRH! Hi! How are you? I can't believe how long it's been!" I babbled.
"I'm OK. I'm actually calling with. . . Um. . . S died yesterday. She had a heart attack."
I nearly dropped the phone. I'm friends with S on Facebook. Just 2 days before this phone call, she was posting about the pool she loves to take her kids to. She just started a new business with Rodan & Fields. What was this I was hearing?? It made no sense.
HRH told me she hated to go, but she'd call me back, another MLer was calling her and hung up and I just looked at my phone in shock, thinking this had to be a sick, cruel joke.
S was 8 years older than me, with a 14 year old son and an 8 year old daughter. She had the sunniest personality I've ever seen. Always a smile, a laugh and a kind word. My heart hurts for her husband and her sweet children. I wish there were more I can do than just offer words.
I just stared at my phone and said, "OMG" over and over again, until it rang again and it was HRH.
She apologized for having to run and I told her, "It's OK. I'm in shock. I can't believe it."
"I know. S's father-in-law was going through her phone contacts and that's how I found out. Unless someone stole her phone and is playing a very cruel trick, it's true."
We spent a few minutes reminiscing and catching up, both of us saying we can't let time go like this again.
Most of us haven't been on our old message board in years, but we all reconvened last night. It reminded me of all of those movies where someone dies and all of their friends who lost track are brought back together to grieve. Why does it take a death to bring people together? We never should have lost touch and it kills me that we are now in touch again because we all lost such a sweet, kind friend.
Sometimes, in order to make shocking news feel more real, you need to say it out loud. So, I did. I told my parents.
"How did you know her?" my Dad asked.
Saying through the internet or a message board just doesn't convey our friendship, because it was so much more than that. The only one who truly gets how deep we run is The Doctor, because he was there in the beginning. This Mommy Board was so much more than just a chat room. It was a support group, a place to laugh and cry. They are my friends and it hurts that we lost one so young. Too soon.
RIP Susan. You will always be in my heart and on my mind and ML will not be the same without you.
Wednesday, May 30, 2018
Wednesday, May 2, 2018
Be the Happy: Goal Accomplished!
Back in December, I blogged about my main goal for 2018. You can find that wonderfully written piece here: http://3curlygirlies.blogspot.com/2017/12/2018-year-of-me.html
In a brief summary: I bumped into a teacher, who I'm now honored to call my friend, at L's school and I mentioned to her how I loved how she was always happy. She radiates happiness and joy and she replied with a very serious look, "Life is too short for anything but." I mulled that over for a few weeks and decided 2018 was going to be my year of happy. I set 3 goals for myself:
1) Laugh more
2) Yell Less
3) Try to find joy in everything
My hope was by the time 2018 closes, someone would tell me they love how happy I always am.
I didn't really put too much thought into accomplishing these goals, I just went about my business as usual. I found myself smiling more, especially at strangers and I found myself empathizing with people more. I've always been friendly, but with a distance. Suddenly, I found myself striking up conversations with fellow Target shoppers about products, and once I offered to help a young, new Mom who was looking flustered with her crying baby and shopping cart. She thanked me but declined and I walked away feeling really good about myself. I saw myself talking to sales associates as though they were friends, and it made a difference in my shopping experience and most likely their day. I started laughing more and yelling less.
I found the joy. I feel happy. Even with all the stress going on in my life, I am still happy. I'm so sad about moving, but I'm still happy. Instead of looking at it as moving to a place where we only know a small handful of people, and the majority of those are family, I told the girlies we need to look at it as we are moving to a place where we have friends, we just haven't met them yet.
A few weeks ago, my Mom was in the car with me as we were coming back into her gated community. I handed my license to the guard and said, "Hi Terri! How are you today?" Terri answered and we had a brief conversation about her day so far, before I said, "Well, I hope it goes by quickly. I'll see you later!"
My Mom started laughing and said, "How do you know her name?"
"Because I asked after the third time I came through and she was there," I answered, thinking it was obvious.
"Do you know all the guards?" she asked me.
"At this particular gate, I do," I said.
"Do you talk to all of them?"
"Yes, I do," I said. "They are people too and since I'm going to be seeing them quite often, I figured I'd get to know them."
My Mom told me I should watch the movie "Dear Heart" which is about a single woman, Evie Jackson, who makes it a point of talking to everyone like they are a friend (though instead of asking for a name, she would say, "She looks like a Gertrude. Hi Gertrude!") The movie was just OK, but I absolutely loved Evie. I've found when I treat everyone as though we are already friends, every situation becomes a happier one. Even the most tedious tasks become more fun.
A change in attitude changes everything! I mean sure, we all know this, but sometimes it's very tough to implement it. When your day is going wrong from the get go, sometimes it's easier to give in to that than it is to attempt to change it. One of the inspirational quotes the Curly Girlies found in their lunch boxes a few weeks ago was "A bad attitude is like a flat tire, you won't get anywhere until you change it." It's so true. The world is a brighter, sunnier, happier place when you open your eyes and your heart.
Today, I was standing in line at Bed Bath and Beyond waiting to pay. I was called to the next cashier and walked up to his station. When I started unloading my cart, I asked, "Hello, how are you today?"
"Fine," he replied. "Are you from [our state]?"
"Yes, I am," I said. "Why?"
I thought maybe he was going to say I sounded like I was from out of town.
"Because you radiate such joy, happiness, and positivity and I don't see that often here," he explained.
My face lit up and I gushed, "Oh my! Thank you so much! You have no idea how much of a compliment this is to me!"
He smiled and said, "Well, it's true."
I explained to him about the goal I set for myself.
"I feel so accomplished knowing I made my goal!" I said excitedly.
He finished ringing me up, held up his hand and said, "Well, that deserves a high 5! Setting and accomplishing goals is huge!" We high fived, I blushed and floated out of there so pleased that without even realizing it, I somehow changed.
I have been saying after we move, I am going to the Mrs. G of L's school. I mean, I'm not going to teach, but personality wise I want to be Mrs. G. After today, I know that will be the case because a perfect stranger sees the joy and happiness I am now emitting.
This afternoon I was wandering around Target and found an iced coffee cup with "Some people pursue happiness, others create it" written on it. I used to look for happiness and I only rarely found it but now I create happiness and put it out there for others to find. Being happy is certainly a lot more fun!
In a brief summary: I bumped into a teacher, who I'm now honored to call my friend, at L's school and I mentioned to her how I loved how she was always happy. She radiates happiness and joy and she replied with a very serious look, "Life is too short for anything but." I mulled that over for a few weeks and decided 2018 was going to be my year of happy. I set 3 goals for myself:
1) Laugh more
2) Yell Less
3) Try to find joy in everything
My hope was by the time 2018 closes, someone would tell me they love how happy I always am.
I didn't really put too much thought into accomplishing these goals, I just went about my business as usual. I found myself smiling more, especially at strangers and I found myself empathizing with people more. I've always been friendly, but with a distance. Suddenly, I found myself striking up conversations with fellow Target shoppers about products, and once I offered to help a young, new Mom who was looking flustered with her crying baby and shopping cart. She thanked me but declined and I walked away feeling really good about myself. I saw myself talking to sales associates as though they were friends, and it made a difference in my shopping experience and most likely their day. I started laughing more and yelling less.
I found the joy. I feel happy. Even with all the stress going on in my life, I am still happy. I'm so sad about moving, but I'm still happy. Instead of looking at it as moving to a place where we only know a small handful of people, and the majority of those are family, I told the girlies we need to look at it as we are moving to a place where we have friends, we just haven't met them yet.
A few weeks ago, my Mom was in the car with me as we were coming back into her gated community. I handed my license to the guard and said, "Hi Terri! How are you today?" Terri answered and we had a brief conversation about her day so far, before I said, "Well, I hope it goes by quickly. I'll see you later!"
My Mom started laughing and said, "How do you know her name?"
"Because I asked after the third time I came through and she was there," I answered, thinking it was obvious.
"Do you know all the guards?" she asked me.
"At this particular gate, I do," I said.
"Do you talk to all of them?"
"Yes, I do," I said. "They are people too and since I'm going to be seeing them quite often, I figured I'd get to know them."
My Mom told me I should watch the movie "Dear Heart" which is about a single woman, Evie Jackson, who makes it a point of talking to everyone like they are a friend (though instead of asking for a name, she would say, "She looks like a Gertrude. Hi Gertrude!") The movie was just OK, but I absolutely loved Evie. I've found when I treat everyone as though we are already friends, every situation becomes a happier one. Even the most tedious tasks become more fun.
A change in attitude changes everything! I mean sure, we all know this, but sometimes it's very tough to implement it. When your day is going wrong from the get go, sometimes it's easier to give in to that than it is to attempt to change it. One of the inspirational quotes the Curly Girlies found in their lunch boxes a few weeks ago was "A bad attitude is like a flat tire, you won't get anywhere until you change it." It's so true. The world is a brighter, sunnier, happier place when you open your eyes and your heart.
Today, I was standing in line at Bed Bath and Beyond waiting to pay. I was called to the next cashier and walked up to his station. When I started unloading my cart, I asked, "Hello, how are you today?"
"Fine," he replied. "Are you from [our state]?"
"Yes, I am," I said. "Why?"
I thought maybe he was going to say I sounded like I was from out of town.
"Because you radiate such joy, happiness, and positivity and I don't see that often here," he explained.
My face lit up and I gushed, "Oh my! Thank you so much! You have no idea how much of a compliment this is to me!"
He smiled and said, "Well, it's true."
I explained to him about the goal I set for myself.
"I feel so accomplished knowing I made my goal!" I said excitedly.
He finished ringing me up, held up his hand and said, "Well, that deserves a high 5! Setting and accomplishing goals is huge!" We high fived, I blushed and floated out of there so pleased that without even realizing it, I somehow changed.
I have been saying after we move, I am going to the Mrs. G of L's school. I mean, I'm not going to teach, but personality wise I want to be Mrs. G. After today, I know that will be the case because a perfect stranger sees the joy and happiness I am now emitting.
This afternoon I was wandering around Target and found an iced coffee cup with "Some people pursue happiness, others create it" written on it. I used to look for happiness and I only rarely found it but now I create happiness and put it out there for others to find. Being happy is certainly a lot more fun!
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