The Rudeness of Others

If you have more than one child you've heard the comments from perfect strangers in stores:

"Are they all yours?"

"Are you going to try for the {opposite sex}?"

"Oh, you poor thing!"

"My, you certainly have your hands full!"

Not one of these could even be construed as constructive.  None of these convey the message of, "Wow Mama!  You are doing a great job!"  In fact, if anything, these just dig at an already insecure mother (because let's face it, every Mom has her own insecurities).

After reading a post on Facebook about hideous things Moms of more than 1 child hear, I remembered some doozies I've heard.

One time last year I was in the grocery store with B, M, L and my friend's twin daughters, Darlin' and Lovey.  5 girls who were hyper and excited to be with each other and not very calm or quiet.  As I was picking out my plums, an older lady came up to me and asked incredulously, "Are they all yours?"

"Oh, no," I replied, with a smile.  "Only 3 are mine."

"Oh, thank G-D," Ms. Busybody replied, with a sigh of relief.  She quickly retreated before I could point out that I'd rather have 5 daughters than mush for brains.

Darlin' was standing with me her mouth dropped open. "Wow!," she exclaimed.  "That was beyond rude!"

"Yes, it was," I acknowledged. "But sadly, I'm used to it by now."

Since then, when I'm out with all 5 girls, I don't correct people when they assume they are mine.  I have decided that when Darlin' and Lovey are in my care, they are just as much mine as B. M and L are.  Plus, there is something fun about seeing the glint of awe (or is it horror?) when people see me wrangling all 5 of them.

What gives someone the right to comment on someone else's life choices?  Why is it that when people see a woman in a store with a gaggle of children, or even just 2 children close in age, they feel like they have an automatic right to comment?

The worst is when the question, "All girls??  So, are you going to try for the boy?" is asked in front of my girls.  It poses the thought that perhaps my daughters are not enough.  Let me tell you, they are plenty!  I'll never forget when another mother came up to me (in the same grocery store, no less) and said, "All girls??  I feel so bad for you.  I have one daughter and I'd kill myself if I had more like her."  Her daughter piped up with, "Gee, thanks Mom" and walked away.

Is there an unwritten rule that people can say whatever pops into their head when they see something they can't understand or don't agree with?

I'm kind enough not to comment on your hair rollers or outfit of choice.  I don't just go up to someone who is scantily clad and say, "Dear, you look chilly.  Why don't you throw on a jacket to cover up a bit?"

How much nicer would it be if instead of spouting of critiques over another mother's lifestyle choices, the would be critics said, "Mama, you are doing a fine job!" or "3 girls!  How blessed you are!"  I promised myself a while ago that when I'm the woman shuffling about the store with my hair in rollers and wearing a housedress, I'll smile at the Mom with 5 girls and say, "Oh, honey. . . Watching you brings back such memories.  You are so incredibly blessed and your daughters are lucky to have you."