This preteen stuff is going to be the end of me! If it's bad now, how is it going to be in 3 years when B is a full fledged teen? I'd like to say in 3 years I'll have a better handle on things, but I fear I'll end up cowering under the bed waiting for the storm times 3 to end.
B has always been a very sweet and demure child. She has always been a pleaser, doing things she knows will make us happy, even if she's not so happy. When she was little, it was great! We always received glowing reports about her in preschool and elementary school (and still do).
When she was 7, The Doctor handed her a copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone because it was on her reading level and we absolutely adored the Harry Potter books. Every time I saw her, she was doing anything but reading (and this is a child who is a born bookworm).
"How's the book, B?," I'd casually ask.
"It's great!," she would exclaim.
"You know, I really don't think B is enjoying Harry Potter," I said to The Doctor one night. "I think we should let her know it's OK if she doesn't want to read it right now."
"No, no. If she didn't want to read it, she would tell us," he replied.
A few months later, The Doctor asked B how the book was.
"It's great!," she exclaimed.
"What's going on in the book?," he asked.
"Umm. . .," she said.
"Has Harry made it to Hogwarts yet?," he prompted her.
"Umm. . . No," she said.
"You know, B, if you don't want to read it right now, you don't have too," he told her.
"OK! Yeah! I think it might just be a bit much for me right now," she said, very happily.
I pointed out to her that had she just told me in the beginning she wasn't enjoying it, she could have spent her Summer reading something more to her liking.
"Oh, yeah. . .," she said, thoughtfully.
For the record, 2 Summers later she picked it up again and read all 7 books in about 3 months. That pretty much describes who we've been dealing with. . . up until now.
I'm not sure if the change is because she is maturing or if it's because we had a very long chat at the end of the Summer.
"B," I said, sitting on her bed, stroking her hair. "I want you to know that you do not have to tell people you want to do something just because you think it'll make them happy, especially if it gets in the way of your happiness. That includes Daddy and me."
"I know," she said, fiddling with her fingers.
There's more to it, but this is the gist. I have noticed in the past few weeks that she has become more vocal about what she likes and doesn't like. This is great and I'm happy she's finally putting herself first, but the attitude that is coming with it is driving me mental!
I have a friend who also has 3 daughters, the youngest being 6 months older than B. When her oldest was B's age, she said facetiously, "You just wait! The preteen years are such a joy!"
I knew she wasn't serious because I distinctly remember what a pain I was to my mother, but I do remember thinking, "Ha! It won't be that bad."
I was wrong, plain and simple.
"Tone!," I call to B multiple times a day, when her words have a rude undertone.
"Sorry!," she says all snotty like, not sounding very sorry at all.
I recently found out about a book club one of her friends is in and mentioned it to her last night..
"B, do you think you'd like to join this book club too? They meet once a month to discuss the book and do a craft pertaining to the theme," I asked.
"Yeah!," she said, her eyes lighting up. "That sounds like fun!"
I told her a little about the book (The Glass Sentence) and she said it sounded OK.
"Do you want to read it?," I asked, figuring she'd tell me no.
"Yeah, I'll try it. It sounds good," she said, playing a video game and probably not even really listening to me.
I used the pick up feature at our local bookstore and ran there as soon as they opened today to get her the book I gave it to her as soon as I got back and a few hours later, I noticed she wasn't reading it.
"B," I said, "The book club meets at the end of the month. While you don't have to have the book finished by that point, it would be nice if you had most of it read, so you can participate in the discussion."
"Well, I thought about it and I decided I don't want to be in a book club."
My jaw dropped.
"Why?," I asked, annoyed that I ran out to even buy this book (hardcover, I might add, because it's not out in paperback yet. I chose not to go the route of the library because I knew she needed to have it quickly).
"Well, I don't like being told what book I have to read and I don't like being told I have to read it in a particular time frame," she replied.
"Oh, well, OK. I just figured it would be a nice way for you to meet some new people who love reading as much as you do. I'm really sorry you chose not to tell me this before I ran out to buy the book," I said, trying unsuccessfully to hide my annoyance.
"I'm sorry!," she grunted. "I'll do it if you want me too."
All I could do was sigh. "B, if you don't want to do it, I'm not going to force you too. I just thought it would be something fun to try."
"OK. I'll try it for now, but if I don't like it, I won't go again," she conceded, with only a little bit of attitude in her voice.
I guess that's all I can ask. Actually, I could ask for the tone to change and the attitude to dissipate, but that's probably asking too much.
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