I'm back in the saddle, both figuratively and, well, figuratively. My fingers have been itching to blog, but time has escaped me. The end of the school year always eats up so much time what with class parties, figuring out teacher gifts and creating a Summer schedule. The Curly Girlies have been out of school for about 3 weeks and I've just now found time to sit down and write.
We have started our month long vacation, though I'm not really sure The Doctor would call it that, since he's working for the majority of it. We traveled a great 4 hours to the north and will be visiting The House of Mouse next week. For now, we are visiting the house of Gram and Gramps (AKA The Doctor's parents).
If you recall, 9 months ago, The Curly Girlies and I were in a major car accident on the highway. I haven't done any highway driving since then. I've never had a great love of driving, but I had gotten to a point where I didn't mind highway driving, After the accident, though, any confidence I had vanished. The Doctor said something a few weeks ago that really resonated with me. We were getting ready to start our days and The Doctor was telling me how he had a bunch of travel coming up, some of which was to take place right at the beginning of our trip.
"You really need to do something about this fear of driving on the highway," he said, after I pointed out that driving 4 hours for him to fly back home so he could fly to another city was ridiculous. I knew that if I were able to drive on the highway, he could just leave from home on his trip and meet us at Gram and Gramps. I also knew that I really did have to do something to get over this fear. All of this ended up being moot, since the trip was canceled.
A few days later, my iPad broke and I had to drive to the Apple store to get it fixed. The closest Apple store is 10 miles away and unless I took the highway, it would take forever to get there. I panicked at the thought of driving there by myself. I thought about asking The Doctor if we could go at night, when he could drive me, but I knew that would earn me a sigh and really, I didn't want to wait for him. The sooner I got it fixed the sooner I could go back to reading (and Facebooking and Bejeweling). I gathered up all my nerve and drove. I was only on the highway for about 10 minutes, but those were some of the scariest 10 minutes I can ever recall. After I got to the mall, I realized I needed to do something about this.
The week before our big trip, I casually mentioned to The Doctor that I wanted to drive for part of the trip. He looked up and I said, "Well, I think the only way I'm going to be able to do highway driving again is if I just do it, but I'm too afraid to do it by myself."
"I agree," he said.
Skip to yesterday. . . After all the errands and chores, both in and out of the house, were complete and The Doctor came home from work, we loaded up the car and got on our way. I realized he was driving and assumed he had forgotten I said I wanted to drive. Fine by me! I really didn't want too anyway.
About an hour into our trip, I looked at The Doctor from my comfy position in the passenger seat and saw how tired he looked. Before I could stop me I heard myself say, "Do you want me to drive?"
"What did I just say??," I thought. "Maybe he'll say no."
"Are you up for driving?," he asked.
"Well, I mean, I'll drive if you're tired," I stammered, truly hoping he'd say he was fine.
"You know, I am feeling kind of tired," he said. "We'll switch at the next exit."
My heart started pounding and I could feel my blood pressure rising.
The Doctor pulled into a gas station and looked at me.
"Are you sure you're ready for this?," he asked. "If you're not, I'm OK to keep going."
"I have to do this, even if I don't want too," I said, opening my door harshly.
I so totally did not want to do this. I wanted him to say, "You know, Sweetie, you don't have to do this. Go back to the passenger seat."
We switched seats and I slammed the driver's door shut a little harder than I needed too.
The Doctor looked at me from the passenger seat and said, "You seem a little angry."
"I'm not angry, just scared and stressed," I said, as I blinked away tears.
"You can do this," he said gently. "Take your time. We aren't on a time schedule and we'll get there when we get there."
From the back seat, the girls started shouting words of. . . something. They certainly weren't encouragement, since they kept talking about flipping the car and accidents. Good to know they have such confidence in their dear old Mom.
I drove 40 miles on the highway. It's not very much, in the grand scheme of things, but it was more than I've driven in 9 months.
I kept remembering how I learned how to drive on the highway in the first place. My grandpa, B-Pa, taught me how. I remember how I stayed in the middle lane, because I didn't want to go fast enough for the left, and the merging cars on the right scared the bejeezers out of me.
Every time I came between 2 trucks, I'd slow down.
"Don't slow down, CGM!," he would say urgently. "The car will only go where you put it. As long as you are going straight, you won't hit a truck."
It was a different highway and 30 years later yesterday, but B-Pa was very much alive in my mind during my drive.
When we switched back, The Doctor turned to me and said, "So, do you feel better about driving on the highway now?"
"Not really," I replied, honestly. "I'm shaking like a leaf. I kind of wish I hadn't said anything."
"Did you really think I was going to not let you drive, especially since you told me you felt you needed too?," he asked with a smile.
"I thought you forgot and I wasn't going to remind you," I answered, nonchalantly.
"I didn't forget. I was actually planning on pulling over right before you said something. I just wanted to get you past all the construction so that your part of the drive was easy," he said, lovingly. "I'm really proud of you for driving," he added.
I am pretty proud of myself too. It is never easy facing a fear, but I'll continue to face this one until it is conquered.
