Embracing the Imperfect Me on New Year's Eve

I am simply amazed at how quickly 2013 flew by!  Nothing too major happened, though Marc started a new job with better hours, albeit more travel.  The girls moved up in karate, my last child finally let go of diapers and I made great strides in my quest to yell less.  Nothing too terribly interesting, which quite frankly, is perfectly perfect to me.

I was doing a lot of thinking tonight about resolutions.  I don't know about you, but every year, I make a couple and by March, I've forgotten what I even set out to change.  I know I'm not perfect and that's actually what I resolve to do this year.

This year, I resolve not to put myself down.  It's not going to be easy, because it's second nature for me to look in a mirror and point out my imperfections. I get really mad at my girls when they do that to themselves, so it's time I stop doing it too, don'tcha think?  Plus, I made a comment about a picture of me that was in this past school year's yearbook and it came back to bite me in the tush when a few weeks ago, M repeated the comment to me (about me!). 

I went shopping with the girls yesterday and they came into the fitting room with me.  It took every ounce of oomph I had not to make disparaging remarks about how the clothes looked on me, especially with all three of them oohing and aahing over my selections.  

So, this year, I resolve to be a better role model for my girls.  I want to be the kind of Mom that they want to emulate as adults, not one they find themselves shunning.  I may be terrible at sending thank you notes (if you sent me a gift this year, thank you, thank you, thank you!  That was one of my resolutions last year. . . see how well it went?), I may not be the best housekeeper or laundress, but not being perfect in those areas are who I am.  I will try to be better at everything I'm not, but I'm going to try to embrace the imperfect me.  After 36 years of nitpicking (well, 30; I'd like to think that for my first 6 years I thought I was the best person on the planet), I think I owe that to myself.

On the road again. . .

We live about 4 hours away from The Doctor's family and we try to get up there about once a month to see them.  The day we leave is always stress inducing because it's not easy packing for 5 people, even if it's only for 2 days the amount of items we end up bringing is profuse!  It always astounds me that we end up needing the big suitcase for a small weekend getaway.

In addition to the packing, I like to leave a clean house.  Cleaning with the 3 Curly Girlies is like cleaning during a tornado.  Once one area gets picked up, one of the girls (usually L, but sometimes M) comes along, sees the area is clean and must think, "Oh, boy. . . She did it again.  I need to put things back they way the have to be" and proceeds to undo everything that I did.  If I lowered my standards, getting out of the house would be so much easier for everyone, but then I know I'll just be a mess when we get back.

Whenever I'm faced with a bunch of things that need to get done in a timely manner, I panic.  It's terrible, but I don't feel better about anything until I know everything is complete (which makes one wonder why I'm blogging as opposed to doing any of the numerous items on my list).  When I panic, I yell.  Not today, though!  I had to actually tell myself over and over, "I'm not going to yell.  I'm not going to yell.  I've made it a week and I can do this!" and guess what?  I did!  I mean, I did do it and I didn't yell.

I kind of feel like this blog is going to get awfully boring if every day I talk about how I almost yelled or didn't yell or what not, but in the beginning, this is what I need to do to keep myself on track.  I'm hoping that after a while, not yelling will be my new way and then I can talk about other stuff. . . though I'm not sure what since I feel like I lead kind of a mundane life.

Have a happy, yell free weekend!

No Yelling Count: 8 Days!!!

One week!

I have been completely and totally "Yell Free" for an entire week!!  This is a major accomplishment for me and I am super proud of myself, especially after the morning I had.

I have noticed one of my triggers is stress.  Who doesn't get triggered to yell by stress, right?  It's not any stress, though, but stress that comes from the things that are out of my control.  Something goes wrong and I tend to snap at the first little voice to ask me a simple question.  I promised myself last week that never again would I yell at my children when something else was eating at me.  I had the perfect test this morning and I'm pleased to say that I passed with flying colors!

M received a magic set last night for the 8th night of Hanukkah.  This morning, I found her wide awake at 6:30 (yay!) practicing her magic tricks. . . still in her pajamas.  I gave her about 5 minutes to show me a trick she had learned, applauded her and reminded her to get dressed.  The trick she showed me was cutting a rope.  After she was dressed, she ran into B's room to show her the trick and instead, the rope cutting thing broke.  I immediately felt my blood pressure rising.  I wasn't mad at M at all.  I was really upset with the inferior company who made this lousy toy.  I immediately found their website and called them. . . at 6:45 in the morning.  I'm not sure what I was thinking, but obviously they weren't there.  I sent them an email and proceeded to try to get the girls ready.  B told me she knew she could fix it if I just let her.  I felt a yell getting ready to pop out and pushed it back in as quick as I could.  I took a deep breath and told her that I didn't want her playing with it, because I really didn't think it was fixable.  She seemed to accept that.  The girls sat down to eat and I proceeded to pack lunches.

We were actually running ahead of schedule this morning and I was super excited about that.  As I was trying to herd the girls out, I noticed that B was still standing by the dining room table where I had put the rope cutter thing.  I told her to come on and she said, "I fixed it!"  I am not going to say what she did to "fix" it, just in case you have any budding magicians who want to show you this trick, but suffice to say, she most definitely did not fix it.  She actually broke it even more.  Now, last week or the week before, I would have started ROARING at her for touching it when I explicitly said not too, but you know what?  She was only trying to help in her 10 year old way and I am so very proud of myself that I remembered that.  I simply told her that in trying to help, it actually was even more broken.  Oh. . . my poor girl looked so sad.  I thanked her for trying to help and reminded her that there is always a reason why I say no and this time the reason was because she didn't know how the trick worked, thus, she didn't know how to fix it.  We still managed to get out the door on time, with nary a tear in sight!

I'm not sure why I'm feeling so stressed today, but I need to find a way to shake it.  My witching hour is between 3 and 5 (I get 2 hours to feel like a witch!).  I'm not sure why, but every day at about 3, I start feeling really run down and burnt out.  I know I am more liable to yell during this particular 2 hour period and I'm a bit concerned that given the fact I am already feeling blah means it's going to be even harder to remember my children are children and not go berserk when B leaves her homework out, M asks for help and L keeps asking for snacks.

The good news is The Doctor and I have an evening out tonight (a boring business dinner, but at least I'll get a glass of wine and some adult time), so I'm sure that'll be the perfect thing to reenergize me for tomorrow.

No Yelling Count: 7 Days!!

This week has been brought to you by the number 7 and the letter O. . . at least, so far.

We have yet to have a day this week that we haven't overslept and gotten dressed before 7.  Usually, I like us to be in the kitchen, starting breakfast by 7, but these last few days, I've been jumping out of bed close to 6:50, scrambling to brush my teeth and get dressed and running to wake up the Curly Girlies (they have alarms too, but evidentially, the sound of my voice saying, "Wake up! We're going to be late!" is nicer than the "beep beep beep" of their clocks).  What I have learned from these past few days is it's OK for us to wake up a little late, sometimes, as long as we're willing to compromise on something else to still get us out the door by 7:35.  Usually the compromise is on breakfast items.  M and L aren't big on cereal, but they know if we're not sitting down to breakfast until 7:15, cold cereal it is.  Today, they had the added bonus of freshly baked bread, courtesy of our new bread machine!

I have found that by keeping calm and not panicking, even if we're running a little late, we still end up running on time.  When I loose my cool, my girls shut down.  You'd think I'd know that given the fact that when I was little, I'd shut down as soon as either of my parents raised their voices.  It's so unproductive, and yet it's like second nature.

I am trying so hard to break the cycle.  The other cycle I'm trying to break from growing up is being late, so on that note, I've gotta run so I can pick up B and M from school and take all 3 for hair cuts.

"Ride Like the Wind, Bullseye!"

Nothing gets me moving faster in the mornings than realizing I've overslept by 30 minutes.  My alarm never went off this morning and my Spidey Sense wasn't working either.  I heard The Doctor's alarm go off at 6:13 and jumped out of bed, as though my pants were on fire.  I figured I had two choices:  I could either race around like a maniac trying to get the 3 Curly Girlies up and at 'em, or I could calmly get myself dressed and remind myself that we could still be out the door on time (7:30).  I chose the latter, because my panicking never helps situations like these.

L came into my room shortly after I got up and I was thrilled that it was one less Curly Girly to try to get up and dressed in record time.  At about 7, I went to M's room, hoping and praying that she would already be dressed, given the fact that her alarm went off at 6.  I opened the door and found her still in her pajamas.  M is the kind of kid who will move even more slowly than normal when told we don't have a lot of time.  I don't think she does it on purpose, though.  I truly believe she panics and shuts down, not remembering what needs to happen.

Had this been last week, this is what would have happened:
CGM: M!!  Why aren't you dressed yet??!? We have to leave in 30 minutes!!!!

M:(said in an awful whiny tone) Oh.  Uh.  Mommy!!!

CGM:(roaring, face turning red, throat starting to hurt, sweating, and on and on and on) Get Dressed NOW!!!! 

TD: What's the matter?

CGM: M overslept and isn't even dressed yet.

TD: (as calm as ever) M, get dressed and go eat breakfast please.

I would have been livid, M would have been crying and all 5 of us would have left the house feeling yucky.

What happened today when I opened the door:

M: Oh, Mommy!  I, uh. . .

CGM: Did your alarm go off? (knowing it had)

M: Mommy!  I, uh. . .

CGM: Well, I know it did, because I know I set it last night.  Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

M: (laughing) Mommy!

No yelling!  All 3 Curly Girlies got dressed in record time and while we had very little time for breakfast, they wolfed their cereal down like champs!  We actually left the house 2 minutes earlier than normal.

As we were getting ready to leave, I turned to The Doctor and said, "Not yelling in the morning is really, really hard, but man. . . is it ever worth it!"  He told me he loves mornings around here when I don't yell, because it makes for a much more pleasant morning for everyone.

I'm feeling pretty proud of myself!  I love it when I come back from taking everyone to school and I feel calm, peaceful and like the world's greatest mother.  These are the times I hope they remember.

No Yelling Count: 5 Days yell free!

And then there was one. . .

I love weekends, I truly do.  I love the do nothingness of the days, I love lounging around in my jammies and I love having all 3 curly girlies and The Doctor home.  Come Sunday night, though, I'm all for everyone getting back to our regular scheduled programming of Monday.  Long weekends usually mean by Saturday night I'm ready for everyone to go back to school and we still have one more day of togetherness!

I must admit, I was quite looking forward to today. . . to be able to go grocery shopping without little voices begging for cookies and fighting over who gets to hold on to the cart (the answer to that, by the way, is no one).  I was slightly dismayed when L woke up complaining of a tummy ache, but figured I'd send her to school anyway.  I was more dismayed when 20 minutes later she was still not dressed, still complaining of a tummy ache and added a goopy, snotty, runny nose to it.  L will be my companion today, and strangely I'm not too upset over it.

My morning this morning ran so smoothly.  I kept my calm and even when curly girlies everywhere weren't listening, I didn't yell!  I simply stated what I wanted them to do and what the consequence would be if they didn't follow my requests, and they did!  Even when they don't listen right away (and let's face it, they're kids, not robots.  They never listen right away!) and I don't yell, our mornings go so much more smoothly than when I do yell.  I love starting days out with smiles and laughs and no tears.  Mornings like this make me wonder I ever stopped not yelling in the first place.  It's sad that it took my wonderfully darling husband to subtly point this out to me.

My goal this week is to get through every morning yell free.  Actually, maybe I should scale it down because we haven't hit homework time yet and that's one of the most stressful times in my day.  It shouldn't be, given the fact that both B and M enjoy school and *gasp* like doing homework, but they don't like double checking or being neat (again, kids not robots).  For this neatnik perfectionist Mom, it's hard to watch them put away sloppy copy's.  Perhaps, while they are doing their homework, I'll hole up in my room with a book.  That way I won't see their messy work and thus, I won't yell!

No yelling count: 4 days yell free!

Lazy days

I love weekends.  I love lazing around in bed (not sleeping, since the Curly Girlies think the term "sleeping in" refers only to a bed or sleeping bag i.e.: "I am sleeping in a bed tonight".), playing on my iPad and being cuddled by O, my "very sweet only to me" cat.  Every weekend I'm hopeful this will be the weekend I can stay in bed (sleeping, perhaps?) until at least 8 and every weekend, I'm sorely disappointed that I am up at 7, taking off my sleeping cap and putting on my referee/short order chef/maid caps.

This morning was different, though!  I slept until 8!  The sad truth is, though, I slept until 8 because B has a friend over.  B and her friend were up until at least 1:30 and B came in at 4:30, afraid of something and asking if she could put the TV back on.  Backtracking a bit: B and her friend started watching Star Wars at about 11:30 last night and we think they fell asleep to the movie. Anyway, B was told no and we told her to go back to sleep.  Both the master bedroom and B's room border the patio, so we can see her room from our room.  About 2 minutes after she left our room, we saw her light come on, so I'm fairly certain she went back to her room and started reading (she and her friend were sleeping in the family room).  Anyway, once I was up, I was up.  I finally went back to sleep at 5:45, but I slept in until 8, so that counts for something, right?

B came back in at 8, followed by M and L who had had a fight over a tea party.  Sounds fun, right?  M claims L woke her up this morning and The Doctor and I claim all 3 woke us up (the only one who slept until close to 9 was B's friend!).  So, out of the 5 of us, 4 are going to be cranky messes today.  It should make for a lot of fun tonight when my wonderfully nutty family is over for our annual Hanukkah gift exchange and The Doctor's awesome latkes.

I am on a roll with my not yelling, though and I refuse for today to be the day that I break that.  As tired as I am, I will keep my voice low and my spirits high!

No yelling count: 3 days yell free!

Hanukkah presents held hostage. Send help.

The 2 younger curly girlies are on their way to losing their Hanukkah presents for tonight.  Their rooms are disaster areas.  I have told them multiple times this morning to clean, clean, clean, but they'd rather do any of the following: Fight with each other, pester me about snacks (I promise, I did feed them breakfast, but eating always seems like a better choice than cleaning does) or make a bigger mess in other parts of the house.  Just as I felt my yell rising up, I took a deep breath, called them over to me and said their presents will be held hostage until their rooms are cleaned up.  M (who I'm sure is going to end up being a lawyer) piped up with, "So, if we don't get our rooms cleaned until tomorrow, we just get them tomorrow!" I popped her bubble by pointing out that my offer has an expiration on it.  If it's not cleaned by the time we light the menorah tonight, the presents become mine. . . for good.  That got me 2 pairs of bug out eyes and M turned to L and said, "Come on, L!  Let's go clean our rooms, or Mommy's not giving us our presents!"  So. . . One would think that the idea of losing Hanukkah presents would be enough to get them to clean, but M then came up with the grand idea of having a cleaning race.  L is not having it at all.  She has been yelling, crying and whining and I'm fairly certain there isn't any cleaning going on in that little snot fest.

I have a feeling this is going to be one of those days where the girls are in their (messy) rooms and right before we light the menorah, there will be a lot of, "Wait!!  I'm still cleaning!" and "Don't light yet!  I'm almost finished!" in attempts to set their presents free.

No Yelling count: 2 Days Yell Free!

First post= Thanksgiving Thoughts

I have been doing a lot of thinking the last few days.  For about the last seven months I have been following a fellow Mom who calls herself The Orange Rhino.  The Orange Rhino is all about yelling less and she managed to go an entire year (plus!) without yelling.  Last April, I set out to do the same.  I started off great, but I'm nowhere near perfect.  I still yell, but my claim to fame is I yell a lot less now than I did before.  I know I'm not a perfect person (Laurie Berkner's "I'm Not Perfect" is one of my main ringtones), but I want to be as close to a perfect Mom as I can be.  I had a real eye opener the other night and things are finally being put into place for me to cut out the yelling for good.

There is nothing worse than feeling angry at a particular person and yelling at your child because you cannot yell at the person with whom you're angry.  This was me 2 nights ago.  My sweet M (8) was acting like a typical 8 year old and she got the brunt of my frustration that had built up after a fight with my mother.  It took my wonderful, darling husband to point it out to me.  I think my wonderful, darling husband knew how M was feeling given the fact that as soon as I had hung up the phone with my mother earlier that afternoon, I turned to him and started yelling at him.

After he pointed this out to me, I was immediately transported back to my childhood in which both my parents yelled at me ALL. THE. TIME.  I am certain I deserved to be yelled at more than a handful times, but I distinctly remember feeling that I was being yelled at because they couldn't express their frustrations to the person who was causing them to feel that way.  I promised myself I would never do that to my kids. . . Yeah, add that to the list of things I promised I would never do when I had kids. 

A few weeks ago, my wonderful husband pointed out that my Orange Rhino challenge wasn't going as great as I made it out to be.  I think his words to me were, "If you aren't going to actually try to stop yelling, than stop buying all this orange s*it!" It was then I decided that come January 1, I was going to start the challenge again, only doing with out yelling at all.

After what happened 2 nights ago, though, I have decided that if I'm going to do this right, I need to start now.  It's like a smoker who says he'll quit smoking after he's smoked his last pack of cigarettes.  What happens when you find a new pack?  If I try to wait until Jan 1, what are the chances I'm actually going to remember about my grand plan?  What better time to start than the most stressful time of the year?

I got through Thanksgiving Day without any yelling at all and if you met my family, you'd know that's no easy feat.  If I could survive Thanksgiving, surely all the days after will be easy peasy lemon squeezey, right?  They certainly can't be any harder.